I WILL FOLLOW AFTER YOU
FOR YOU ARE MY DESIRE
OH JESUS
MY HEART BELONGS TO YOU


I sing loudly because I need it, not because God does.
I cry and scream 'cause my soul and heart needs to, not because it's certain Christian subculture, but because I want and need to expel the negativity sometimes inside.
I need You.

It seems to take quite a bit to stay focused at times. I don't write that much 'cause it's hard to get things precise. And staying focused on a specific topic in writing, casting spotlight on it solely seems sometimes to undercut the big picture and other emotions and consensus which do balance the emotional swing out.

It seems like so long ago and yet not really - I still want a lot of things and help, it does seem that I don't really know what I want either; the struggle shouts pretty hefty. I know my ultimate want - You. I know I still have that child seeking for purpose in me, crazy strung 'cause of the mundane. But, but age has taught me complexity that kid didn't have. I've learnt to see You in the mundane and I've learnt to find pleasure in the work of my hands and the things my gain can buy. And I'm willing to stake my all on Your Faithfulness, but aware that I'm the wild card in the equation.

Dear God, You know what I'm seeing and feeling. You know all these in sharper clarity than myself. I hide myself in You. I rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Dad, help me see the way You do, help me be more like You.

I'm not giving up. So help me, Lord. Give me greater clarity, mould me to be a better person and help me live for You more than any thing or any one. I still sit on the altar, can I rise from the ashes soon?

I rest in Your goodness, Your unfailing love. You are my surety. I love You, Lord.

It really isn't a major deal but I do wish I can watch U2 in concert. If this was a year back, and I was still at the paper and R a y was still in Melb, I could had flown out for the gig. But I can't now, moolah deficit being a main cause. So well... *shrugs*

To interview U2 is a dream I had and have, despite being out of the journalism circle now. Maybe, God willing, You would give me the chance to one day.

Thank you, Jesus. Amen.

17:44.

add ons to the post of when the lights went out:

In the shower last night: Hey, didn't Sg had a island black out or something somewhere in 2004 when I was in Melb?

Rem being just slightly bummed that I wasn't there to experience it.

And talking about Melb, it popped to my mind the many times we had to call our net provider only to find the cables are down every where or something like that.

So... yeah, very interesting.

13:57.

"And suddenly I would be back at the computer, birthing tumescent phrases like: “Under the Setting Sun, Tara and Craig Will at Last Be Wed.” I spent days choosing the right tone for the program (I settled on “lovingly irreverent”) and the right adjective for “special” in the invitation (I went with “singular”).

I agonized over whether to quote “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” or “Romeo and Juliet” on the response card — and then I agonized over whether to use a semicolon or a comma in said quote, because frankly, many Shakespeare authorities disagree on that. I hadn’t asked for the job, but now that it was mine, I was determined to write pure wedding poetry.

Tara and I settled into a pattern. I would tease out a brilliant idea and she would come home and veto it, which would only feed my blooming hysteria.

TRUE, she often had a point. For instance, maybe it was tacky to format the invitation like a movie poster and write that our wedding was produced by God Almighty."

LOL! More on Men Don't Care About Weddings? Groomzila is Hurt here.

10:03.

Singapore food gets a nice spotlight from NYT.

17:31.

Yesterday, the lights went off in apparently half the town, my office included.

Thankfully, my condo - on the other side of this small town - was unaffected. But golly gee, what an experience! As Ray and I walked home at about 450pm in the bright evening sun, we saw office folks waiting around outside their office and cafe staff looking quite lost as to what to do.

We walked home, noting the invisible line in the middle of the town which divided the lighted and non and also the scenes of entire normalcy versus the white-collared in limbo. And after getting back to the condo, decided to go to the car park and get the car to go to The Curve instead of going home.

All's good today though and I didn't object to going home earlier but I wanted to chronicle this 'cause man, how unreal is it that a whole half of a developed, nice, rather poshy even town (it is a small and new estate though, remember) gets a black out?

I was quite in awe and amused. So, here. Heh.

The CG on Fri at King Crab restaurant celebrating Ai Chin's (middle row, third from right) and Jason's (next to her) birthdays.

copyright.amadeo

slurp, munch, *smack lips*

copyright.amadeo

16:35.

Jerry Lee Lewis is set to release a new studio album, more than 10 years after his last.

1500.

Christian writings should be the best 'cause we can't use cheap sexual puns. And mind you, it's easy to be funny/ witty/ whatever required using sex.

1014.

Apparently, there are some probs with my guestbook. Seems to have been happening for quite a while so from this post on, Comments have been enabled. Cheers.

Psalm September 20

Lord I’m so restless
Like a child obsessed about a toy
’cept the toy has long been lost
and I’m not too sure why I yearn or what

And like a Father (You are) You sing over me
And like my father (You are) You watch over me
Like my Father (You are) You dance around me
Like my Abba, You stay by me

Oh Lord I’m so blind some times I can’t see
Like a man whose sight has never been
And I run and crawl and hurt myself
But I’m not always sure why my flight

Yet like a Father (You are) You sing over me
And like my father (You are) You watch over me
Like my Father (You are) You dance over me
Like my Abba, You stay and stand by me

Jesus help me in my disbelief
When in miry clay I rather sit
Jesus help me in my unclearness
I ask too much and forget why
Then I ask why that and hurt myself more
And I try to do it on my own but my own ain’t ‘nuff to lean on

Jesus help me see and hear Your sweetest gaze
Your warmest touch, Your break of day
Jesus help me anew know Your loving Grace
Your mighty Name, Your all-knowing embrace
Jesus help me bow to Your sovereignty

’cause in constant clarity I do know You are
And in awareness always I know my price
What You paid for me, to wipe out sin
The meaning I seek is in You, my everything

So help these blind eyes see
deaf ears hear, broken, numb heart beat again
To trust, to love, to hold humility
Help these feet walk in Your steps

Holy Spirit, won’t You flood over me
Make me Your vessel of pow’r and peace
May hardship never break my spirit
May praise unto You always come from me

Holy, Holy Lord God Almighty
Dearest Lord, You are everything
He who was and is and is to come
My God is big, big enough for me

And so I sing and dance and rest

My Father He sings over me

9/20/2006 9:28 PM

Bimbo post time! :D

Saw this dress on ebay and I reallyyy like it. Darn if the postage is not more expensive than the item itself. And darn if two bids didn't happily pop up after I spotted it yest and emailed the owner to check some sizing stuff.

I never bought stuff ever on ebay but I'm really tempted to go for this. If I just up the bid by half a pound, postage plus product will alrdy cost SGD40 which I'm very tempted to say is an extremely reasonable price for a Laura Lees.

Still... *goes back to checking for bids updates*

And more on Lauren Lees here.

:D


Laura Lees for Topshop. Topshop back home never stocked the special series by various designers, I think. I'm not a butterfly person at all but I think tt butterfly motif is forgivable.
copyright/ amadeo




close-up! a bit of kitsch but it does do a number on the sweet white dress feel.
copyright/ amadeo

.
copyright/ amadeo

10:26.

In about six hours, I should be on a green coach en route back to Msia again.

You know, for all the practice over the last two plus years, I think I'm still not that awesome at splitting that part of my heart labelled Home between more than one place.

I can smell the Sg heartlandness in the air... nostagia while I'm still here, hm, but I'm looking forward to getting back to PJ. There's work to do, a calling to live out and R a y. Whew, if I've not been convicted of this specific call to Msia for now, I won't be doing this.

And yet, like my aunt and my convo last night, things are really simple if we allow ourselves to see past ourselves. He called, we go. We loves because He first loves us. He created us for something bigger which cries murder when we try to stifle it with a path we think best. There must be more than this. Only believe and obey. God never shortchanges any one.

And everything that has been will again be. There is nothing new under the sun. What's new is what you receive personally as you do life His way.My life is not my own, I've been bought with a price.

I'm trusting You.

And to every one else, God bless :)

3:28pm. 6/12/04. Great Ocean Road.

If all creation abides in Your Arms
Roaring fury and gentle sighs
If every endless horizon of sea and sky
melted and blended in blue grey light
Could not even hold You

And rain and sky changes at Your Will
as doe and sparrow feeds on daily bread
Then what for do I worry?
What for do I cry?
In Your presence it's all together and right

A sigh, a wow and a smile

I stand amazed.

My fury's in Your Hands.

my soul's secure
Your Promise SURE
always

11:30.

I am thankful for the sound of chirping birds and kiddy voices from downstairs' kindergartens.

I am thankful for 25 years of life and going.

I am thankful for Hong Dao Primary, Mayflower Secondary, Ngee A n n Polytechnic and RMIT City Campus, Melb.

I am thankful for His Sanctuary, for Ps Daniel and Pauline, for Ps Joshua and Evelyn, for the band who graciously allowed me in when I was 16.

I am thankful for Blk 637, Ang Mo Kio and how it was my playground till I was 17.

I am thankful for the skateboard I found opposite the block when I was 11.

I am thankful for Mom and Dad, the best parents ever in the flipping universe.

I am thankful for my elder bro, J o h n, who was my best childhood friend, who "made" me started reading Enid Blyton, who shares a world of comics and funny movies with me.

I am thankful for Ray, my dearest boyfriend and my best friend.

I am thankful for Blk 501, Woodlands.

I am thankful for my own place at Damansara Perdana.

I am thankful for 55/ 222 Victoria Street with its wonderful view of the streets, and thankful to Hannah for finding and setting it up and thankful to Hannah and Germie for being the best housemates possible.

I am thankful for COC swanston st, OCF Park ville, City Church Planetshakers, Urban Life.

I am thankful for the lives I have been able to lead at all these separate places and phrases of my life.

I am thankful for the newsroom - irreplaceable Tribune and T N P, and I'm thankful for the friends who transcended the mould of mere colleagues.

I am thankful for, don't laugh, my clothes and all fashion accessories and stuff.

I am thankful for my lovely soft bloster.

I am thankful for rain and nice weather. For food and things like bak song, for fruits and veggies and 'shrooms.

I am thankful that I have enough to put food on the table and live a comfortable lifestyle.

I am thankful that when I look back at everything, I know You and me are going somewhere, that though I'm not always sure how or by when, You do.

I am thankful that life does have meaning, that there are reasons to live and that Hope exists.

I am thankful that when I sing "help, I need somebody", I have Somebody. And He is BIG.

I am thankful for love, for Love.

I am thankful for the sense of smell, for sight and hearing and touch and taste. I am thankful that all my facilities are in order and working.

I am thankful for Singapore, for PJ, for Melb, for the world.

I am thankful for the appreciation of words, arts and pictures.

I am thankful for music, for its power and depth.

I am thankful for d u m c, for the cg we have settled in.

I am thankful that the younger ones at ocf all seems to be going on strong.

I am thankful.

Just thankful.

It's 1151 on a Friday morning, I sit here at my blue Ikea table with my table fan blowing at me, I look up and I can see the clear skies, not overly sunny, I can hear the kiddies at the kinders downstairs and I can hear some birds chirping away, my mom's at the living room doing her devotion and my God is everywhere.

I am thankful.

Thank You and thank you all.

15:34.

Quinessentially here.
The salty smell of dried tears on skin.
The I-really-don't-get-it but I know You do.
The pouring out of a soul laid bare.

Here with You.
I've said there's nothing else I won't do.
But days like these my soul's on fire
Saltwater the fuel, pain the screamer

But I'm here with You.
And You've said that's nothing else You won't do.
To see me run this race for You.
Your Word's the Rock, Grace the cheerleader

Mercy, mercy, Sweet Saviour
On this one buried under tears
Indignation, questions, economic fears
I'm wishing hellfire, brimstone on some peers

How I need Your Saving Grace, my Sire
New vision, new heart, no fears
Never to mistake hardness for strength
Never get more cynical yet be wise and clear

Lord Jesus, I never needed You more
And I never knew a time like this
And I don't want to let You down
Be thou my vision, Lord.
Be thou my all.

11:49.

R a y's leading worship at CG tonight and I'm playing keys/ piano for him ('cause the chords on guitars a bit harder lah...). Was surfing to find some info about transposing and capos and all that 'cause I'm trying to understand things better and I came across this gospel music site.

"Preaching chords" keep coming up and I was wondering what they are, guessing they are the chords you play if the preacher wants you to play while he preaches. Then lo and behold, I found the explaination here (cut below). It's gorgeous and priceless! Hehe. :D Love it! But no, I can't play that.

What Are Preaching Chords??
2006-08-25

---

Preaching chords are a series of chords played when the preacher is really into his message. Usuallythe preacher is grunting at the end of his sentences, which let's the musician know to play a chord or run. This is usually found in most black churches, but not limited to just black churches. Here is a typical way of using preacher chords: Key Eb LH/RH Preacer: "And the Bible says that God," (grunt) muscian plays preacher chord or run: Ab / Gb-Bb-C-Eb Preacehr: "so loved this her world," (grunt) musician plays preacher chord or run: A / Gb-A-C-Eb Preacer: "that He gave," (grunt) muscian plays preacher chord or run: Bb / F-Ab-C-Eb Preacer: "His only begotten Son," (grunt) muscian plays preacher chord or run: Bb / Ab-Bb-D-Gb Preacer: "To die for the sins offff the world," (grunt) muscian plays preacher chord or run: Gb, Ab, Bb, Ab, Gb, Eb (run w/both hands fast) Preacer: "Can somebody say yeeaaahhh?" (grunt) muscian plays preacher chord or run: Gb / E-Bb-Eb Preacer: "yeeaaahhh?" (grunt) muscian plays preacher chord or run: F / A-C-Eb-Gb Preacer: "yeeaaahhh?" (grunt) muscian plays preacher chord or run: Bb / Ab-Bb-D-Gb Preacer: "yeeeaaahhh!!!" (grunt) muscian plays preacher chord or run: Eb / Db-G-C-Eb (hold chord while pressing bass note repeatedly)