17:13.

The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture." - 2 Corinthians 10:4

Our tools are for expression, for bringing to the light what is dark, for articulating the desires of God's heart and drawing out the yearnings of men's and in doing so, to turn the tide, strike the bell, change the world.

11:12.

one of these days
we'll be elsewhere
shining like the sun

fulfilled, complete, done

a day beyond the rainbow's arch
where tears r none n pain is done
we'll be singing, we'll be singing

hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah

someday past what our eyes can see
that rainbow connection for u and me
past the striving, the knots n jolts

final. sorted. finished triumph.

18:37.

She writes.
like a crazy dream.
that somehow sinks.
and catches ur mind.
to make u think.

18:32.

One day, I want my own photo booth in our home, love.

One like those we used to lark ard in. Those that takes 4 different shots, not 1. Those that go off with a old sch flash and make u wait outside (or inside) while it develops.

One day, we will get that ya and just duck in for random snaps.

1547.

What to say
the difference a ring makes on the heart
How to express
the weight of my love on the same bed

The tears shed at a milestone
over the miles we came on this road
The hope and fears gone
of the miles yet to face, to face as one

We will dance
Songbird
Lithium Flower
City Of Blinding Lights

Hands and hearts knitted
Vows made and tears exchanged
12 July 2008 Saujana poolside
Set in film, print and hearts

The Best Is Yet To Come

Honeybunny, sugar love
Ray mond Chuah
Husband, best friend, man o' mine

Love
Love
Love

July 12 2008.

Skye Tan is now married :)

1037.

It is 18 days away from our wedding. I type this sitting at the home of my teenhood days on possibly the last trip I have in this dear home and country as a single girl. Just my parents' daughter, my brother's sister, my friend's friend and another regular sg girl.

Next time I'm back, I come back as a married woman. And add to the list of roles and hats that of a wife, a daughter now married, a sister now under another man's protection.

Oh wow.

The slight HDB wind wafts through my always opened windows. Why "HDB wind"? 'cause the wind does smell distinct here somehow, not in any bad way at all but with the tinge of homes and laundry.

Wish I have a longer time to meander and linger, mosey and potter around, thump about on the keys and strum some guitar and just relish in the smell of memories and good times.

Oh wow.

Dear Lord, what a long way we have come. Long way You have brought me. Hold my heart, hold my hand, Jesus. Thank You that You never let me go.

I've been back since after midnight Sat night (Sun morning) and will be going back tomw on the 3pm bus.

The days have been busy, shopping for dad, shopping with mom, shopping for me with mom and aunt nancy and running errands all about in between.

Yeserday, we were searching for my jewellery for the wedding. Mom took out her "4 pcs of gold" to show me, that (literally) 4 items that was in her dowry back I think 30 years ago.

And somehow in the midst of all that, my tension (I think I'm just very work oriented at the moment) dissipated and I feel for the first time a glow and pride in these cultural heritage processes and meaning.

Why not. I'm Chinese and of a generation that thankfully still understands heritage and is proud of it. Sentimentality encased in metals that never erode... there's something to be said for that. Having something to bring out and show my own kids one day and tell them it was from my wedding, well, I think tt could be sweet indeed.

Mom still has the little bracelet I used to wear as a kid with the name "Jean Tan" engraved on it on a little plate. And the little gold chain with a gold coin pendant, how classic is that.

Dear Lord Jesus, take this lump in my throat and flutters around my heart and make it something gold and whole and eternally a memory in your mansion with many rooms in your book with all truths and bes.

Take my heart and make it thine. And keep me Yours for all of time.

14:57.

The wheels are turning so rapidly these few days I feel so thankful every time I get to lie down on my bed again. Feel the tired come out of my back. Close my eyes without having to keep the brain chugging. And just rest.

It's a Tuesday. The bosses are all away on a Bali trip and I have a lot of stuff to get through today before I go for my 2nd work trip with my current co. Going to Phuket which I nv been to before, and which actually, I reckon is not a place to have work trips but real trips with friends you can laze on beaches with.

Still, that said, a free trip is good. And that said, the greater asia conf should be an eye-opener and learning oppt.

Come Thurs, there will be another line drawn in the sand as we approach just 1 month more to the wedding.

I think coordinating such an impt event should be a full-time job 'cause there's really so much to do and work is so busy it doesn't ease up much.

But I'm not taking a 10min break from the work to gripe or even gush.

I'm writing 'cause I read a little girl's blog and her passion for Christ and life made me smile.

I prayed the other day that I want first and foremost You. Not the ordinary life. Not the happy family nuff is me. Not the 2 and a half kids. None of all of these unless You are in all of them. It's still all about You. I still want You first.

Oh Lord, break my heart to love You with a desperation and tenacity that is not quiet or still, but ever striving, ever pushing forward, ever needing more of You.

I want to love You, live extraordinarily. Create order in chaos creatively.

And I want to keep pulling and pushing until something breaks. 'cause like that blog illustrated, a life change is worth all the in-between to get there.

22:34.

I'm trying to find out where best we can stay at in Koh Samui, if we do decide to go there for our honeymoon in *takes deep breath* 3 months and 2 days time.

I'm sitting in my brother's room, back home in Singapore, enjoying 3mb broadband and just generally the life of a kid. No work, in my ratty pjs, lounging around all day reading comics, eating, snacking on fruits, watching some tv, reading the papers and just catching up on much needed r & r.

In less than 3 months time, I'll be a married woman. And in the last few weeks, I've been aware of the multiple roles and hats we wear in life. In Msia, the hats I wear more are that of a fiancee, a soon-to-be daughter-in-law, an employee, a carrier in church. Reckon that's why for the last few weeks, I really felt I needed a break and just come back to my family home and be just a daughter. No need to work, no need to worry abt the bacon, no need to do any thing really. It's a good feeling.

Life has been very full these days. Not in a bad way at all but just full steam ahead on all fronts. Work takes a lot of hours. I am more active in church than ever. We have a wedding to finish planning. A condo to finish renovating. I also have a hungry soul that needs more of God and wants more time to push all the work away for some down time with the lover of my soul.

Last week, I was in church on a Wed night for prayer meeting and after praying over our church and just getting to that place where you understand more what "travail" means, a song about giving God my life and all my heart and all that started playing and I started crying again, this time for me and You. I prayed that yes, I'd stay in Msia for the long haul if that's what You want. That yes, though I've said it before and meant it, this time, it's like the sacrifice on the altar, a conscious pulling back of my focus and the flesh that creeps away from the altar and look elsewhere.

I consecrated myself anew. And later, when chatting with pastor, I realised waitaminute, this (April 9) was the exact date I left for Malaysia 2 years ago. I checked my calendar in my hp to verify it and sure nuff, under April 9 2006, an entry that simply said "PJ".

God has a way of reminding you of the matters that matter most.

It's okay to have 2 homes but, watch it, have your focus remain on that mansion in the sky.

It's okay to nurse in the familiar but hey, don't get snared in the comfortable.

It's all good and dandy when He stays in charge.

And I'm really enjoying this time out.

See ya guys back home on Sunday. By that, I mean KL.

18:58.

When a big story breaks, like these Pulitizer prize winning ones - I imagine you chase it like your soul has suddenly been gripped by a giant cosmic hand. And your heart beats faster yet steadily 'cause you are on the track or in the midst of something that matters. Not just to the nucleus the story directly involves, not just an inner circle, but to humankind, to the world. And as a news hound, as a journo, you know you are on something big. Or think you know, maybe perhaps definitely maybe. But in the eye of the tornado, you are caught up and it's as if your own humanity is suspended as you are whirled up in the greater-than-me.

I'll, in all likelihood, never be that war correspondent I once wanted to be. And honestly, I don't think I fancy so the same way any more. But that in-the-zone feel, will that ever hold me again? Just 'cause I'm prejudiced (and believe rightly so) and believes journ imparts a different essence to the many zones people get into, I feel just a slight tad bit sad.

1344.

Be my focus
Be my Cause
Be my joy and be my song

Be my light
Be my pride
Be my precious, my delight

Be my need
Be my heart
Be my soul and be my mind

Be my all
Be my call
Be my obsession, my life yours

Jesus

1105.

I like walking.

Taking slow strolls on my own time, through urban landscapes or half transformed cities. Just me and my God and my thoughts and His.

When I walk, in my head, it's almost as if there's a still camera just moving on ahead in front of me, fixated on chronicling my still ramblings. It's like some old MTV, where the colours switch between the muted and intense, all the while remaining simply so, still.

Putting my foot one ahead of the other puts me in an optimum mode to think. No one rushing me, no obligation for conversation or facades, just me walking getting somewhere.

I like to think it's a parable of life of sorts.

Oops, U2's Walk On just started playing in my head.

I think I like walking in the same way I like rainy days. Both still the soul in myriad ways. They remind me of the great beyond, of the more than this, of perspective. They quiet me and in their movement, are catalysts of whatever needed funneling out of me at those moments.

I miss walking more. Whereby in Sg, I was public transport bound and did loads of walking. Here, cars are the mode of preference. Hey, no complaints, mind you. Besides the convenience and comfort level, it means I get to wear pretty shoes when I want to :)

It's strange how in my head, I sometimes just recall impromptu scenes of walking to places - At Ang Mo Kio, the town I grew up in... walking from the library back home, talking to myself when I was sure there's no one behind or around; at the open space with the steps at Ang Mo Kio central, towards the bakery and away from the old classic emporium (ren ming, was that its name?); on the road home from the bus stop where I take bus 900.

Maybe it's somewhere tied to independence. Maybe it's just my introverted self enjoying sojourns and trips. It's just very lovely being able to... well, walk.

What say?

12:38.

It's been heaps long since I logged into Blogger. And even longer since I logged in and managed to start a post proper.

Among other reasons, I suppose today's oddity can be credited to the 4-day MC I'm on due to last Thurs' wisdom tooth surgery.

Getting older is a strange deal - Wisdom teeth, aches and such, the lack of aptitude for late nights jaunts and all that were common back when I was new to being a 20-something.

Since I last posted - And it does seem terrible of me to be doing a summary to these matters so significant but it has been months since I last posted - I have gotten engaged(!). Ray proposed on our Sg trip on Oct 31st. We have bought a condo together, I have got a promotion, started co-leading a Life Group, we both have stepped up our commitment to church and ministry
and seriously started on the wedding prep.

The past few months have passed seemingly in a rush. Over 4 months since we changed our status on Facebook to "engaged" (and got a torrent of very nice congratulory messages). One year since I became an "expat" (inverted commas 'cause I really don't get treated like one!). Almost two years since I moved here.

Yessir, this year's been a rush all right.

Just now, while reading the papers and eating my brunch, Ray's mom had on a Mandarin radio station which was playing some 90s songs. And it's as if the nostalgia from Faye Wong's Ni Kuai Le Jiu Si Wo Kuai Le (I think my pinyin just gone from bad to worst), and all the wave of remembering how far You have brought me came together in a sweep.

Our church's on this Journal journey together when there are designated scriptures every day to read and then reflect upon. The past few days, we have been on Deut where at the threshold of the promised land, Moses recaps on all that has happened since the exodus. He remembers, he reminds the people and he exhort the people to remember all that the Lord has done and not to forget the Lord Our God as He now takes us into that land flowing with milk and honey.

Be ruthless with sin. Remember the Lord your God. And don't let the good stuff distract you from the Giver of the best.

On Sat morning, for the 1st time, Ray preached at a church's youth service :) Pr Mark sent him there. It's strange feeling like a pastor's wife (oh, I still rem how indignant I felt when a pastor first suggested to me that may be my call, instead of being a pastor myself) but very awesome to see my man rise up in His call.

This is a big year. A very big year. Marriage, Ministry, Career, Family, Friends... every thing's at a speed that is faster than before, as if they are all rushing towards a big bang of fulfillment and clarity that prev escaped my feeble eyes.

And in the midst of all of these, a cry from my soul has arose.

I need God.

I need God so much. I want God so much I feel almost desperate. There's so much more of the Divine to know and embrace. So much more of the big-ness of my Lord that I have failed to grasp. So much more of the Divine substance marriage with the human will to have. So much more of You, so much less of me to want.

The age of my years (going 27 now) almost weighs on me. I have heard and followed and tried to do the right things. And He has been faithful. But the distance between my heart and head seemed to have increased the last few months and now that You have made it aware to me, I am stepping out. I'm stepping out and I'm stepping up. More of You, less of me, Lord. More of You, less of me.

Every aspect of my life's going awesome. This is a good place to be at. But the truth - as it always remains, that unbending constant whisper from the eternity in one's soul - there's more than these. It's not just there must be more, but I know there is more. And as lovely as all are now, I can't just revel and be satisfied. I want more of God.

I need more of God. And I don't want to live any day without an increase in the knowledge of You and me in You and You in me.

I love You, Lord. We love You, Lord. And we dedicate every single day to You. For the plans we dream but are scared to hope in, for the hopes and fears entangled in humanity, for the dreams of faith and cry to soar... hold our hearts and hold our heads. We give all to You.

"Break our hearts for what break Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's Cause"

Praise You.

Amen.

10:39.

Close your eyes and listen
to the explosions in the sky
Singing random lullabies
for the watching waiting ones

Won't you close your eyes and listen
There's an explosion in the hearts
of the waiting, wanting, longing
of the Saviour's come on earth

It's the generation now
Of a world that's changing now
The hearts that's bleeding now
will be changed for ever now

It's the changes happening now
Waves over your soul
It's that something you can't say
oh what words cannot express

It's the explosion in the skies
of the reigning victorious One
It's the change in the atmosphere
Revolving through this earth

See it now.

10:33.

A stronger Sing dollar looks set to rise up.

Singapore Rents Alarm Tenants, Spark Inflation: Andy Mukherjee

By Andy Mukherjee

Oct. 9 (Bloomberg) -- Singapore's landlords have already pushed their tenants into a corner; now they may be testing the central bank's patience.

If the global economy doesn't slow in 2008, the island's monetary authority may have to tighten its policy to manage the impact of skyrocketing rents on consumer prices.

And that means there is a good chance of a stronger Singapore dollar.

The average monthly rental for prime office space in the city state has tripled in the past three years, reaching a record high of $12.60 per square foot in the third quarter, according to real-estate brokerage CB Richard Ellis.

The global credit-market turmoil doesn't seem to have had a discernible impact on Singapore office demand, which continues to be dominated by banks and financial firms, Richard Ellis said.

Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. and Merrill Lynch & Co. are building their own office complexes as vacancy rates in the central business district fall close to zero.

Future supply, too, is getting snapped up.

Standard Chartered Plc has booked 500,000 square feet (46,451 square meters), or about one-third of the first phase of Marina Bay Financial Center, which will only be ready in the first quarter of 2010.

The government is releasing more land to ease the supply crunch, though there's no reprieve in sight for tenants for at least another couple of years.

Collective Sales

Chicago-based property consulting firm Jones Lang LaSalle Inc. estimates supply of new office space in Singapore to be less than half of the projected demand of 5 million square feet from 2007 to 2009.

A similar story is playing out in residential and retail segments, which have even deeper linkages with local inflation.

In the first seven months of this year, 61 sites were sold to developers by owners of apartment complexes in so-called en- bloc, or collective, deals, for a total value of S$11 billion ($7.5 billion), surpassing last year's record of S$7.8 billion, according to research by property brokerage Savills Plc.

This has curbed supply of housing at a time when demand is soaring. International schools are overbooked, suggesting that more foreigners are being allowed in to boost the island's small workforce of 2.6 million people.

The government has recently tightened the rules for en-bloc sales and imposed higher fees on developers. That might help contain the frenzy of collective sales somewhat.

Residential rents, however, are unlikely to come down in a hurry. If anything, the rental increase will be inflationary.

14 Percent Growth

``Given the tight labor market, we expect higher living costs to lead to more generous wage settlements,'' Nicholas Bibby and Puay Yeong Goh, currency strategists at Barclays Capital in Singapore, wrote in a research note last week.

The Singapore economy grew an annualized 14.4 percent in the second quarter, its fastest pace of expansion in two years. Adding to the pressure on inflation -- which is already at a 12- year high of 2.9 percent -- retailers, too, are faced with galloping rental costs, which they want to pass on to consumers.

The Monetary Authority of Singapore sets policy by targeting the local dollar against a basket of trading partners' currencies. At its semi-annual review tomorrow, the central bank will have an opportunity to highlight the inflation risk.

Still, it's unlikely that the monetary authority will change its policy of ``modest and gradual'' currency appreciation, which has been in place since April 2004, to seek a significantly stronger Singapore dollar.

At least it may not do so immediately.

Inflation Hawk

A stronger currency won't be welcome at a time when the island's key electronics exports -- semiconductors, disk drives and telecommunications equipment -- have fallen for seven straight months.

``The difficulty for the central bank this time around is that while the domestic economy is booming, exports are not and indeed are threatened by U.S. developments,'' says Robert Prior- Wandesforde, an economist at HSBC Holdings Plc in Singapore.

Even so, a stronger Singapore dollar may become inevitable in 2008 as inflation crosses the 3 percent mark. Last time that happened was in 1994, when the stance of monetary policy was for quicker appreciation in the Singapore dollar than at present, the Barclays economists note.

The Singapore dollar has risen just 4 percent so far this year against the U.S. currency, compared with almost a 14 percent surge in the Thai baht and a 12 percent jump in the Indian rupee.

Singapore's monetary authority is an extremely credible inflation fighter. And inflation expectations are already firming thanks to the frenzied real-estate market.

While the central bank probably won't jump into the fray to prick the property bubble, it won't let consumer prices get out of hand either. A strong Singapore dollar may be a good bet.

13:52.

SINGAPORE: Lee Kuan Yew, who turned a malarial island into a modern financial center with a first world skyline, is peering ahead again into this city-state's future, this time with plans to seal it off with dikes against the rising tides of global warming.

"Let's start thinking about it now," he said during an interview last week, in what could be the motto for a lifetime of nation building. Ever since its difficult birth in 1965, when it was expelled from Malaysia, he said, Singapore has struggled to stay alive in a sea of economic and political forces beyond its control.

"If the water goes up by three, four, five meters," he said, laughing, "what will happen to us? Half of Singapore will disappear."

For all his success, Lee remains on the alert for perils that may exist only on the distant horizon: the rising role of China in the region as the United States looks the other way, the buffeting of the world economy, even climate change.

Vigorous and strong-minded and on the verge of his 84th birthday, Lee talked at length about his country's vulnerabilities, its slow movement toward a more open, worldly society and the influence of China, India and the United States in world affairs.

A British-educated lawyer, Lee is one of Asia's remarkable personalities, a world figure whose guest book is filled with the names of international political and financial leaders.

His creation, modern Singapore, is an economic powerhouse with one of the world's highest per capita incomes, high-quality schools, health care and public services that have made it a magnet for global labor. Foreigners make up roughly a fifth of its 4.5 million residents.

In his office in the former headquarters of the island's British colonial rulers, Lee sat back in a zippered blue jacket, sipping small cups of hot water and laughing often, as different as could be from the bare-knuckled political infighter he has described himself as.

"I've done my bit," said Lee, who stepped down as prime minister in 1990 and now watches over the country - and occasionally takes part in political disputes - with a seat in the cabinet and the title of minister mentor. His eldest son, Lee Hsien Loong, is prime minister.

"To understand Singapore," he said, "you've got to start off with an improbable story: It should not exist." It is a nation with almost no natural resources, without a common culture, a fractured mix of Chinese, Malays and Indians, relying on its wits to stay afloat and prosper.

"We have survived so far, 42 years," he said. "Will we survive for another 42? It depends upon world conditions. It doesn't depend on us alone."

This sense of vulnerability is Lee's answer to all his critics, to those who say his country is too tightly controlled, that it leashes the press, suppresses free speech, curtails democracy, tramples on dissidents and stunts entrepreneurship and creativity in its citizens.

"The answer lies in our genesis," he said. "To survive, we have to do these things. And although what you see today - the superstructure of a modern city - the base is a very narrow one and could easily disintegrate."

Asked whether, looking back, he felt he might have gone too far in crushing his opponents, sometimes with ruinous lawsuits, sometimes with long jail terms, he answered, "No, I don't think so. I never killed them. I never destroyed them. Politically, they destroyed themselves."

One of his concerns now, Lee said, is that the United States has become so preoccupied with the Middle East that it is failing to look ahead and plan in this part of the world.

"I think it's a real drag slowing down adjusting to the new situation," he said, a lapse that worries Southeast Asian countries that count on Washington to balance the rising economic and diplomatic power of China.

"Without this draining of energy, attention and resources for Iraq, Iran, Lebanon, Israel, Palestine, there would have been deep thinking about the long-term trends - working out possible options that the U.S. could exercise to change the direction of long-term trends more in its favor," Lee said.

American diplomats in the region insist that the United States has not turned its back on Southeast Asia, noting that high-level visits continue, from President George W. Bush, from cabinet secretaries and from the military.

That may be true on a day-to-day basis, Lee said, "because of the machine."

"Your ambassadors are here," he said. "Your chambers of commerce are here. Your State Department, trade and Treasury and so on, they are on the ball in keeping the shop going."

The continued U.S. dominance in the region can be seen in the weight of its economy. Lee said that if its current market problems lead to a slowdown in domestic consumption, all Asian economies will shrink.

Even China's vigorous quest for raw materials in the region, he said, is driven in large part by the United States, which along with Europe is the main market for Chinese products.

As the United States focuses on the Middle East, Lee said, the Chinese are busy refining their policies and building the foundations of more cooperative long-term relationships in Asia. "They are making strategic decisions on their relations with the region," he said.

And this is where tiny Singapore sees itself as a model for the world's most-populous country. "They've got to be like us," Lee said, "with a very keen sense of what is possible, and what is not."

Every year, he said, Chinese ministers meet twice with Singaporean ministers to learn from their experience. Fifty mayors of Chinese cities visit every three months for courses in city management.

Singapore's secret, Lee said, is that it is "ideology free," an unsentimental pragmatism that infuses the workings of the country as if it were in itself an ideology.

"Does it work?" Lee said. "Let's try it and if it does work, fine, let's continue it. If it doesn't work, toss it out, try another one."

The yardstick, he said, is, "is this necessary for survival and progress? If it is, let's do it."

Hoping to attract more tourists, for example, Singapore is building two huge casinos, despite Lee's expressed distaste for them.

"I don't like casinos," he said. "but the world has changed and if we don't have an integrated resort like the ones in Las Vegas - Las Vegas Sands - we'll lose.

"So, let's go," he said. "Let's try and still keep it safe and mafia-free and prostitution-free and money-laundering-free. Can we do it? I'm not sure, but we're going to give it a good try."

Even on social issues, themes he habitually argues with an aggressiveness that can seem inflexible, Lee sounded almost mellow.

"I think we have to go in whatever direction world conditions dictate if we are to survive and to be part of this modern world," he said. "If we are not connected to this modern world, we are dead. We'll go back to the fishing village we once were."

For example, on the issue of homosexuality, he said, "we take an ambiguous position. We say, O.K., leave them alone, but let's leave the law as it is for the time being and let's have no gay parades."

Although gay sex remains technically illegal in Singapore, the government has indicated it will not actively enforce the law.

China, Hong Kong and Taiwan already have more liberal policies regarding gays, he noted. "It's a matter of time," he said. "But we have a part Muslim population, another part conservative older Chinese and Indians. So, let's go slowly. It's a pragmatic approach to maintain social cohesion."

As for the set of "Asian values" of hierarchy, respect and order that Singapore is founded on, he said, "It's already diluted and we can see it in the difference between the generations. It's inevitable."

In his own family, generational values are changing. From father to children to grandchildren, he said, command of the Chinese language had weakened, along with the culture it embodies.

"They had a basic set of traditional Confucian values," he said of his children, two sons and a daughter. "Not my grandchildren."

One grandson has just begun his studies at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, he said; the other is heading to the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.

This well-educated younger generation is part of what Lee said was a social dichotomy in which the top 20 percent is as cosmopolitan as any - well educated, surfing the Internet, traveling the world without constraint. "This is not a closed society," he insisted.

But at the same time, he said, the government must protect the less well-off, less well-educated people from information that might upset or confuse them - people "who are not finding it so comfortable to suddenly find the world changed, their world, their sense of place, their sense of position in society."

These are the people who he said had to be pulled into the future as he seeks to make Singapore "a first world oasis in a third world region."

"We built up the infrastructure," he said. "The difficult part was getting the people to change their habits so that they behaved more like first world citizens, not like third world citizens spitting and littering all over the place."

So Singapore embarked on what he called "campaigns to do this, campaigns to do that."

Do not chew gum. Do not throw garbage from rooftops. Speak good English. Smile. Perform spontaneous acts of kindness.

Paradoxically, he said, if Singapore had not been so poor it might never have transformed itself and prospered as it has. His warnings about vulnerability and collapse are a constant theme to persuade his people to accept limits on their freedoms.

"Supposing we had oil and gas, do you think I could get the people to do this? No," he said. "If I had oil and gas I'd have a different people, with different motivations and expectations."

"It's because we don't have oil and gas and they know that we don't have, and they know that this progress comes from their efforts," he said. "So please do it and do it well."

1338.

I read with surprise and sudden nostalgia yesterday that the Singapore River was going to be turned into a reservoir. A reservoir? What about Bum Boats up and down the river and nice lanterns in the waters before Esplanade? Of course I know Sg is changing, it never stops but it's still strange knowing I'm that far removed from knowing its revolutions. Hm.

16:23.

It's strange to know how much the elitist from my educational upbringing seems embedded somewhere inside very deeply. And it's further strange how it could even have sprung forth when my real upbringing is humble in every and any sense.

But starting from acing Lit, strengthened and grown from Mass Comm admitance and performance, fed and led from that early journalism career despite my real humble beginnings, I think there's simply a little girl inside who believed more than she should in her own elitism when elitism is but hogwash really.

And it's at the strangest times when it comes out - A strong pride that I can't always distinguish. When is it a natural acceptable reaction to the illogical and when is it a green-eyed goblin, defensive, would-be superior and fighting for its tuft?

How Singaporean is that word and behaviour - Elitism. How intricately related to my past living. 'cause well, it was part of life. That we weren't the ee, r a f f l es schools type of elite. We were the street-smart, creative, trailblazers elites.

Oh Lord, help me discern, help me discern please. Let what must die die indeed. Yet let me be able to see clearly the tangled heartstrings so I don't kill what needs to live to build a unique called living being uniquely shaped to fit a specific hole in this society.

Hold my heart.

18:32.

"Contrary to popular opinion, trials don't come into our lives to produce faith. They come to prove faith." - Next Wave Online

Your Birthdate: July 10

Independent and dominant, you tend to be the alpha dog in most situations. You're very confident, and hardly anything ever shakes you. Mundane tasks tend to drain you - you prefer to be making great plans. You are quite original. When people don't "get" you, it bothers you a lot. Your strength: Your ability to gain respect Your weakness: Caring too much what others think Your power color: Orange-red Your power symbol: Letter X Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?