11:43.

It's Aug in the year 2010, 29 years since God placed me here on earth and I'll be hard pressed to remember the last time the furnace felt this hot.

Oh, I can remember occasions - year of '99, 1st year in poly, still in honeymoon with my Lord and all excited about the Spirit's gifts and the arguments and doubts my coursemates have about all of that. Was in a desert for a while then, when all the voices and my foolish heart got in the way of Us.

Funny how school was the trigger point - there was that period in '04 when I was taking philosophy with an anti-Jesus lecturer who was intellectually too strong for me to debate, all those circular arguments about free will and yet through that, You taught me faith.

Some part of me can't believe this furnace/ desert is happening now.

Now in 2010, me in a full time position working for the church I love. Oh Lord, I've not felt the heat this strong for as far as I remember but I'll hold on to your Truth that I'll never be tempted beyond what I can bear.

I've not felt as stripped bare as now, almost helpless, this numbness, but I'll come, over and over again, just as I am dependent on Your Grace, desperate for Your touch, convicted of Your Goodness.

You are my Author. And You know my story and it will not just have a good ending, it will be great chapters all the way through.

I cling to You.

Cling, when I have no more strength in the natural. Cling, when the questions overwhelm. Cling, when my heart swells to the point of bursting. I cling to You.

Pull away the lies, my Lord. Pull away the enemy's devious whispers and hidden cloaks. Pull them away from my mind, my heart, my soul and spirit.

I just want to sit with You and let the world go still.

Help, my Lord, You who are my rewarder and my protector.

Lift up my head, strengthen this reed, stop me from running into what my eyes can't see.

Still my anxious thoughts, Dad. Wrap me up, won't you please, with all of You.

I just want You.