02:13.

I've wondered and agonised for long why one's heart could still be volatile and hurt and feel so much even after you place something onto the altar. After all, burned up sacrifices are not supposed to feel or crawl off the altar. Then, just now, another thread of coherency came to me.

Surely even when Abraham tied up Issac and placed his beloved onto the altar, he still loved his son. Surely, even when they walked up the mountain to the place of sacrifice, Abraham's heart bleed and was heavy. Surely, even when he raised the knife, his heart broke and felt every emotion known to man. Every single emotion like love, pain, confusion at his God's direction (yet he knew His Master's voice so well he knew the voice which commanded him this unthinkable task was God). Surely as he sought to obey His God, the heavens and his son witnessed an Abraham, tears flowing so rapidly, hands shaking at the task before him, a man trying to do the right thing with a heart that felt ripped to shreds, tore with deeper gashes than what that knife would or could inflict upon his loved son.

Surely.

So maybe I've asked the wrong questions when I wondered why.

Perhaps laying down something, someone precious comes with every emotion opposite to detachment, disinterest and general non-feeling.

Perhaps it means the exact opposite.

Lord?