22:34.

I'm trying to find out where best we can stay at in Koh Samui, if we do decide to go there for our honeymoon in *takes deep breath* 3 months and 2 days time.

I'm sitting in my brother's room, back home in Singapore, enjoying 3mb broadband and just generally the life of a kid. No work, in my ratty pjs, lounging around all day reading comics, eating, snacking on fruits, watching some tv, reading the papers and just catching up on much needed r & r.

In less than 3 months time, I'll be a married woman. And in the last few weeks, I've been aware of the multiple roles and hats we wear in life. In Msia, the hats I wear more are that of a fiancee, a soon-to-be daughter-in-law, an employee, a carrier in church. Reckon that's why for the last few weeks, I really felt I needed a break and just come back to my family home and be just a daughter. No need to work, no need to worry abt the bacon, no need to do any thing really. It's a good feeling.

Life has been very full these days. Not in a bad way at all but just full steam ahead on all fronts. Work takes a lot of hours. I am more active in church than ever. We have a wedding to finish planning. A condo to finish renovating. I also have a hungry soul that needs more of God and wants more time to push all the work away for some down time with the lover of my soul.

Last week, I was in church on a Wed night for prayer meeting and after praying over our church and just getting to that place where you understand more what "travail" means, a song about giving God my life and all my heart and all that started playing and I started crying again, this time for me and You. I prayed that yes, I'd stay in Msia for the long haul if that's what You want. That yes, though I've said it before and meant it, this time, it's like the sacrifice on the altar, a conscious pulling back of my focus and the flesh that creeps away from the altar and look elsewhere.

I consecrated myself anew. And later, when chatting with pastor, I realised waitaminute, this (April 9) was the exact date I left for Malaysia 2 years ago. I checked my calendar in my hp to verify it and sure nuff, under April 9 2006, an entry that simply said "PJ".

God has a way of reminding you of the matters that matter most.

It's okay to have 2 homes but, watch it, have your focus remain on that mansion in the sky.

It's okay to nurse in the familiar but hey, don't get snared in the comfortable.

It's all good and dandy when He stays in charge.

And I'm really enjoying this time out.

See ya guys back home on Sunday. By that, I mean KL.

18:58.

When a big story breaks, like these Pulitizer prize winning ones - I imagine you chase it like your soul has suddenly been gripped by a giant cosmic hand. And your heart beats faster yet steadily 'cause you are on the track or in the midst of something that matters. Not just to the nucleus the story directly involves, not just an inner circle, but to humankind, to the world. And as a news hound, as a journo, you know you are on something big. Or think you know, maybe perhaps definitely maybe. But in the eye of the tornado, you are caught up and it's as if your own humanity is suspended as you are whirled up in the greater-than-me.

I'll, in all likelihood, never be that war correspondent I once wanted to be. And honestly, I don't think I fancy so the same way any more. But that in-the-zone feel, will that ever hold me again? Just 'cause I'm prejudiced (and believe rightly so) and believes journ imparts a different essence to the many zones people get into, I feel just a slight tad bit sad.