1030.

Fragmented thoughts moving at the speed of a Matrix jump have been making themselves home in me. Granted, their occupancy is not exactly new but their qualitity seem to be multiplying.

It has only been two and a half weeks but it feels longer though every working week - the current one seems to be moving at a nice spanking pace - has felt short so far.

Full-time - What does that mean? And how does the church view those who work in Christian organisations, not churches? If hierarchies within the Bride exist, whether man-made or not in a divine plan I do not have full capacity to comprehend, then does the church's staff view those "outside" it lesser? Like O_o

Those are just thoughts, by the way. No need for alarm.

Life still confounds me, albeit not as much as it did the 13-year-old me wracked with existential questions I was probably just able to understand.

Friends, friendships which have lasted, friendships buried by distance, friends from eras past and present; secondary school friends, church friends, first job friends, poly friends, work friends, melbourne friends and friends from more than one category - It makes me feel odd somewhere inside to think of how fluid relationships can be and how all of us seem to have such different lives. There are acquaintances which I frankly think I rather never met but I choose to believe God has a purpose for every thing and so I live and learn and give thanks for the friends I'm glad I met.

The church and us Christians still baffle me at times too, albeit the 24-going-25-year-old me deals with it better than the 19-year-old me who slammed a church door in exasperation.

Whereas I once refused all leadership in cynicism of "the system", now, when I see leaders whose lives just seem whitewashed, I get upset and worried (with more worry than upsetment) and I learn to pray for their flock and trust God that He will show their leaders what they need to see. And if I am to voice what I see one day, He will have to nudge me to 'cause it would kill me to do things with the wrong motivation.

I - and the "I" is same but transformed to be more like my Jesus daily - now live a life so different from what I ever had before and now and then, it's as if I feel my bones graze my soul and I either take a deep breath or refuse to breathe momentarily. It's like some invountarily reaction of the body responding to the touch of the strange essence of the soul it houses for just a little while.

I am still walking a step at a time, learning to walk by faith and not freak at how only one step at a time is illuminated though my God has given me a dream for the future.

And like how I emailed a friend just now, God has been blessing me heaps with little and big things. I've been kept busy thus enough not to go find time to mope or be melancholy or even homesick.

Talking about home, I'd be in Sg on Sat and bus back up to PJ on Tues noon to resume work on Wed. Which means I'd get to vote :) Monday's a working day in the Sg office and I've to get to Bedok from Woodlands at 10am but well, I kind of miss that little red dot so it would be nice to be back home.

It's strange how home PJ is getting to feel like too though. And the last two nights, I think Ray's family and myself had really good dinners around the dining table. On Sun night, after an awesome dinner of curry prawns, veggies, tofu in soy sauce and er, I can't rem the others, we top them off with three boxes of durian (mmmmm) and a slice of Secret Recipe Choc Banana cake. Very awesome :)

Ray's mom has also cottoned on that I am a soup and veggie lover and always asks me to get more soup. Like how my own mom does, she also looks happy when the pot is empty. Heh, mothers are cute and awesome lah.

I almost wrote I feel so adult now but saw the unthinking conformity of the sentence. I've felt more adult than my age meant me to be for half my life so really, the would-be "adult stuff" should not be overwhelming.

My soul knows very well that I belong to the King who remembers my name.

It's a Thursday and there's a website mock-up page and a letter to supporters to redraft. I'll catch you folks later, ok?

Have a good day now.

Cheerios.