1037.
It is 18 days away from our wedding. I type this sitting at the home of my teenhood days on possibly the last trip I have in this dear home and country as a single girl. Just my parents' daughter, my brother's sister, my friend's friend and another regular sg girl.
Next time I'm back, I come back as a married woman. And add to the list of roles and hats that of a wife, a daughter now married, a sister now under another man's protection.
Oh wow.
The slight HDB wind wafts through my always opened windows. Why "HDB wind"? 'cause the wind does smell distinct here somehow, not in any bad way at all but with the tinge of homes and laundry.
Wish I have a longer time to meander and linger, mosey and potter around, thump about on the keys and strum some guitar and just relish in the smell of memories and good times.
Oh wow.
Dear Lord, what a long way we have come. Long way You have brought me. Hold my heart, hold my hand, Jesus. Thank You that You never let me go.
I've been back since after midnight Sat night (Sun morning) and will be going back tomw on the 3pm bus.
The days have been busy, shopping for dad, shopping with mom, shopping for me with mom and aunt nancy and running errands all about in between.
Yeserday, we were searching for my jewellery for the wedding. Mom took out her "4 pcs of gold" to show me, that (literally) 4 items that was in her dowry back I think 30 years ago.
And somehow in the midst of all that, my tension (I think I'm just very work oriented at the moment) dissipated and I feel for the first time a glow and pride in these cultural heritage processes and meaning.
Why not. I'm Chinese and of a generation that thankfully still understands heritage and is proud of it. Sentimentality encased in metals that never erode... there's something to be said for that. Having something to bring out and show my own kids one day and tell them it was from my wedding, well, I think tt could be sweet indeed.
Mom still has the little bracelet I used to wear as a kid with the name "Jean Tan" engraved on it on a little plate. And the little gold chain with a gold coin pendant, how classic is that.
Dear Lord Jesus, take this lump in my throat and flutters around my heart and make it something gold and whole and eternally a memory in your mansion with many rooms in your book with all truths and bes.
Take my heart and make it thine. And keep me Yours for all of time.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
14:57.
The wheels are turning so rapidly these few days I feel so thankful every time I get to lie down on my bed again. Feel the tired come out of my back. Close my eyes without having to keep the brain chugging. And just rest.
It's a Tuesday. The bosses are all away on a Bali trip and I have a lot of stuff to get through today before I go for my 2nd work trip with my current co. Going to Phuket which I nv been to before, and which actually, I reckon is not a place to have work trips but real trips with friends you can laze on beaches with.
Still, that said, a free trip is good. And that said, the greater asia conf should be an eye-opener and learning oppt.
Come Thurs, there will be another line drawn in the sand as we approach just 1 month more to the wedding.
I think coordinating such an impt event should be a full-time job 'cause there's really so much to do and work is so busy it doesn't ease up much.
But I'm not taking a 10min break from the work to gripe or even gush.
I'm writing 'cause I read a little girl's blog and her passion for Christ and life made me smile.
I prayed the other day that I want first and foremost You. Not the ordinary life. Not the happy family nuff is me. Not the 2 and a half kids. None of all of these unless You are in all of them. It's still all about You. I still want You first.
Oh Lord, break my heart to love You with a desperation and tenacity that is not quiet or still, but ever striving, ever pushing forward, ever needing more of You.
I want to love You, live extraordinarily. Create order in chaos creatively.
And I want to keep pulling and pushing until something breaks. 'cause like that blog illustrated, a life change is worth all the in-between to get there.
The wheels are turning so rapidly these few days I feel so thankful every time I get to lie down on my bed again. Feel the tired come out of my back. Close my eyes without having to keep the brain chugging. And just rest.
It's a Tuesday. The bosses are all away on a Bali trip and I have a lot of stuff to get through today before I go for my 2nd work trip with my current co. Going to Phuket which I nv been to before, and which actually, I reckon is not a place to have work trips but real trips with friends you can laze on beaches with.
Still, that said, a free trip is good. And that said, the greater asia conf should be an eye-opener and learning oppt.
Come Thurs, there will be another line drawn in the sand as we approach just 1 month more to the wedding.
I think coordinating such an impt event should be a full-time job 'cause there's really so much to do and work is so busy it doesn't ease up much.
But I'm not taking a 10min break from the work to gripe or even gush.
I'm writing 'cause I read a little girl's blog and her passion for Christ and life made me smile.
I prayed the other day that I want first and foremost You. Not the ordinary life. Not the happy family nuff is me. Not the 2 and a half kids. None of all of these unless You are in all of them. It's still all about You. I still want You first.
Oh Lord, break my heart to love You with a desperation and tenacity that is not quiet or still, but ever striving, ever pushing forward, ever needing more of You.
I want to love You, live extraordinarily. Create order in chaos creatively.
And I want to keep pulling and pushing until something breaks. 'cause like that blog illustrated, a life change is worth all the in-between to get there.
