17:47.

My room faces the evening sun. Every day, while the sun gives off the last of its strongest rays, my room will be flooded with yellow light. My current bedsheet is a gentle navy blue and it caught the light fabulously.

It seemed that there was a large halo in my humble abode and where the halo fell seemed like where an angel would appear with a message.

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Yesterday, this popped into my mind: "I'll never be 18 again."

Yes, another one of those truism that suddenly leaps at you and make you look at it differently. And yes, why is it that these jumping phrases so often concern time and age.

Today, after watching Bend It Like Beckham on cable, the same thought blinked at me. Why should I want to be 18 again? No reason really. It was a good year, that year off school. A year which I look back upon as my spiritual revival and a year which was all bright and lit up so much you can see angels flying over every day.

But I digress. I think I get this 18 thoughts because I'm simply half-afraid that I will never be as carefree as I was then. I did have cares and worries then, it wasn't a Mary Poppin world but it had that teenage zest which coloured every single thing brightly.

I guess, wait, I know it's scientifically true that every day, we die a bit more, are that closer to the last breath.

I also know I want to die to self but do not believe this biblical dying is akin to that weary death time inflicts on living people. The latter, I'm referring to that increased deadness, that loss of a will to live and to love and rejoice, and dance with life.

I feel rather old at times like these. Gee, 18. I think I'm rather wistful that I never did go for the sports and team participation bit, mostly choosing (not that it seemed like a choice then) to go for angst, music and myself.

I always loved soccer. Quite liked basketball too. In fact, I believe I would like to do both now but am deterred by the fact that I'm as far from fit as one can get. Besides, how do I get into a team now? I want to play them as what they are, team sports. I'm untrained, which doesn't make me a candidate for pro or semi-pro teams.

There are always ways, I probably am just being inert. I like to start off with kicking a ball around and throwing some baskets for fun like we used to in primary school and even occasionally in secondary school (Darn, I feel old).

I want the discipline of participation sports, those you go all out for and get sweaty and dirty and a lot of team spirit.

Hah.