20:01.

I like: The way the sky merges into the sea, the way the sun colours the sky, the way the white fine sand gives way underneath my feet and get between my toes, the way the green-blue still sea water embraces my body, the way the clouds smile down at me. And how I see God in all these.

Swim, sunbath, eat, snack, watch tv, laugh, kid, jump on beds.

All in a day's work. Living on an island that's not urban. Where the beach is at my doorstep and beautiful pools and jacuzzi wait for me to jump in. Where I live with beautiful people whose company I enjoy.

A place where dreams looks plausible and my future is stretched all the way right along the bright path towards the horizon.

In that place, I dream on a deck chair just enjoying the sun kisses on my body. I didn't need to think. And I think a lot (during my massage, I caught myself thinking, "What should I think of?"). I normally enjoy it a lot. God forbid if I should ever stop thinking and questioning but recently, I think too much. Sometimes, my head hurts and I have to exert effort to push everything somewhere else.

So bintaN was very good.

And I remember the way we were. I stayed at Nirwana this time too.

I've got a tan, my nose is starting to peel.

Anne dropped a room key into the ocean. Heh. Yes, it's unfortunate but since it happened, let's laugh rather than moan.

There was a dead lizard on the window sill in Joce's room. It freaked me out. We contemplated calling room service, acting helpless and asking for help. In the end, we settled on trying to ignore it.

I want to spend more of my life in other places. Places where I don't have to deal with certain obligations.

I want to travel. It's feeling more and more like a need each day. I want to travel, see new things and people, live in new places and drink the experiences and knowledge and everything that comes from such. I want to learn.

Just now, I watched Gilmore Girls, last ep of season three. I like the show, cry over it and all that. Rory made valedictorian, is estranged from Jess, going to Yale. Dean's getting married, Luke's contemplating going on a trip with a lawyer he's seeing.

I missed too many episodes to catch up but my eyes were not dry when Rory gave her valedictorian speech. Come to think of it, I always tear whenever these graduation bits are shown. I cry for the innocence then try to remember was it that way for me. Poly was strangely adult. Detached by the time we got to the end. Secondary school, I remember the heartbreak as we huddled together and cried.

I cry too because I never had it as beautiful as they show it. I'm not bitter but it would be nice to do that gown and all. Hug classmates you loved and hated and remember it all in a bittersweet painful episode.

I appreciate that type of pain, though as I get older and encounter them more and more, it gets too painful and I get afraid I may dislike it and grow numb.

While watching the show, I had a wild idea that I would plug away so hard I can make valedictorian when I get to uni. But then I realise I don't even know if they still have that at that level and whether I would even qualify to take a shot at it as a student with advanced standing.

But I will try for the Dean's list, if my advanced standing status does not deter me.

No, nothing's finalised. I still don't know whether I am going to Melbourne. Am still waiting for the RMIT admissions director to get back to me on the exemption bit. If he confirmed (please pray!) that I do, then I have to call the IDP to arrange to sit for the Journ entrance test which cost $70. Gee. And if I aced that, I still have to go through a telephone interview. *nervous smile*

I cannot stay where I am for long. That's how I feel right now though I may change my mind. But now, I simply feel that I have to go. Go. Go. Go somewhere. Do something else. I need to be somewhere different so I can be simulated again. Perhaps I want to shake the dust off my feet.

Let's dance.