16:07.

Happiness.

I never used to think about it, or seek it like people I knew did. It wasn't a conscious thing but while others said things like I want to be happy, I never thought of this elusive pursuit at all.

Always just thought that once you get the meaning of life, everything else falls into place. With understanding and wisdom, that knowledge of your existence, you gain happiness, joy and well, all the good stuff necessary to put the puzzle together.

Maybe I am unconsciously feeling like this may not be true any more. Either that, or I'm simply realising that the search for meaning is a long journey riddled with potholes, pain, confusion and a lot of stuff that potentially makes one unhappy. And I hope this doesn't mean I am copping out of the long and narrow path because I know happiness is shifting into a focus for me now.

Why?

I really don't get it. Is this meant to be? Due to circumstances, environment, being a working young adult, selling out even? I don't know.

It's weird, not in a bad way.

I'm laughing more (and not just at inexplicable private jokes which I can never explain, but with people). I'm dressing in preppy high school garb and for the first time in my life, people are thinking I'm younger than my actual age.

That last point, my dears, is a big thing. This kid who always been old before her time has never had such comments.

But back to our personal discourse on happiness.

"I know there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil - this is the gift of God" - Ecclesiastes 3: 12, 13

That eternity set in my heart burns me. Everytime I read the words of Solomen above, I silently protest and then hang my head in defeat.

Is this it?

I protest but increasingly, understand how big a gift this is - finding satisfaction in my toil and being delighted with all these I know, worldly though they may be called.

In equal measures, increased understanding that there's nothing new under the sun, and everything is meaningless drive me crazy.

What do I do?

I know the words of the king is true, yet I know too an abundant life is possible. So I seek that. I take delight in my work, I continue to take delight in the small things and I seek happiness from this life. All the time knowing this world is not my home, and that what you put into a task or object affects the meaning you could derive from it.

It's possible to be happy because at the end of the day, our Father will not give us snakes when we ask for fish; nor stones when we ask for bread.

And you know something? He's the Boss.

:)