18:44.

Decembers are always reflective months filled for me with many questions, attempts to bring coherence to the days past' and the life learnt.

[ Can you not squirm? The song in my head now plays Never Forget by Take That ;) ]

Journeys, paths, walks, sojourns, race. Whether nondescript or exhilarating, we all travelled some distance this year.

I'm... thankful.

Dad, You know how I felt thrown, crushed, stretched... all them things more than occasionally this year. And I know too how You have bought about gigantean bubbles of pure joy and tears from joy and gladness overflowing.

And You know too - as I do - that I'm Yours and will live for You evermore.

Thank You.

Thank You for helping me every single day, keeping my feet and heart going when I feel unable, for always holding me, for Your Word and promises, thank You for teaching me to believe more, to stand with faith on You, thank You for loving and caring enough to stretch me and train me. Thank You for assuring me, for teaching me, for helping me to be convicted I am called.

I know now more than ever who I am, what I want, what I have.

Last year this time, Dad, we battled with similar dilemmas, or at least I did. But I know I'm different now. Older, yes, more mature, yes. Battle weary? Nothing Your Rain can't cure. Tired? I'll just run to You.

The testing of passions seemed to be a strong thread through this year - Of writing and me, of roots and me, of my calling and me, of R a y (*huggs*) and me.

I want to be pure and holy.

I want to be pure gold.

The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, Lord, we want no chaff in our sacrifice.

Ideals have been tested even as my identity was moulded. I'll hold my head up high, my God calls me called and beautiful. My God calls me the apple of His eye. My God delights in me.

:)

How can one frown at that?

In just a little while, I will be blown away by the greatness of my God and Lord all over again. In just a little while, I want to touch Your Glory, dance in Your Rain of blessings and refreshment. In just a little while, we are soaring towards a higher plane.

There has been a lot more cost counting, and somehow, sitting in the furnace, your decisions get burned into your soul in a new way. It's great really 'cause the bad stuff that won't last also gets burned away even if you try to formulate them. I love it.

I have been back in Sg for 10 months and I have found I enjoy You where ever.

On Thursday during band pract, a thought bounced at me and loudly told me that I'm going to miss this (the pract, the people, the playing keys) even though I'm going to only be away from that for a month.

But see, who knows?

I don't, and that's part of the exhilaration of following God :)

I know He always watches my back and leads me on the right way, that His Spirit leads me on His path of greatness.

A few months back, while I was in the same position behind the keys, a different thought bounced at me ("bounced" describes their approach perfectly if you know what I mean) and quietly said you will leave this all for good one day.

Thoughts. I reckon when you have them and don't spend as much time on mediating on them, they are liable to jump you loudly in those moments some time when you don't expect. How lovely.

We have been prepared to get into the perfect take-off position.

And I can't wait for next year to get here.

ThankYou, thankYou, thankYou :)

I love You.

Identity. Calling. Counted cost. Furnaced. Writing. Perspective. Keys. Love. Humbled. Stronger. Hungrier. Everywhere I Go I See You. Faithful at all things. Faith. Speak out. Capacity to miss and love. Endurance. Guts. 351 days and counting.

Dad... You have made me so much stronger this past year.... thank You!

And Dad, for R a y... thank You. Words can't describe. We feel like the fulfilment of a promise, the fruits of honouring You in our love lives, a relationship better than I ever thought possible. This doesn't feel bgr, it feels like a different kind of Saul-on-the-road-to-Damascu experience with as much God and sparks and pure holy light and life changing power. Bye bye cynicism, hallo, soppiness. hah. No regrets, no looking back except to give thanks and smile dopeyly. Onwards to our eternity. I love you :>

And onto the God who is able to do all things, to Christ Jesus who love us who we love and honour and pledge our lives to, may 2006 be from glory to glory to glory to glory.

I am. happy. :)

Amen.