22:55.

"I want to be a hunter again
want to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
so let me go." - Hunter by Dido

Disclaimer: The plea to be let go is not aimed at any one.

I was just reading my guestbook. This has been a good restful stay-at-home weekend, I've notched up so many hours sleeping that I can't hit the sack yet. Too wide awake. Too late to be playing the piano so here I am, reveling in my nerd-dom.

The guestbook brought back many memories. I really miss you all so much. But here we are, on our way to growing up, we grow apart. Is this it? Maybe.

Am just here listening to songs like Iris and Runaway Train, songs that fit in such moments.

Sigh, bittersweet symphony the song in my mind. Is this really the way it's going to go the rest of my life? People come, people go and you can't help it 'cause your get on different trains and become different people. And even if your still appreciate each other, your can never meet at the same platform again.

It's nobody's fault. No one's to blame. It just is. And it may not help that I suck at initialising the maintainence.

*The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band*

I had some time to think these two days. And somehow, it was just random scenes from my past that kept coming at me.

I saw myself with my primary five class walking up the stairs to that third-floor classroom, and Mr Lim asking me if I wanted to be a prefect; baseball with the boys; the first boy who said he loves me; the depression years; the McDonald hangout; boyband days; the libraries; the counsellor's room; talking to the discipline master; auditioning; interviews to get into Mass Comm; stepping into mud while on the way to the library....

*Angel - Sarah Mclachlan*

Too many things to put down in type or paper. Reels played mentally and I just felt like whoa, so many days have passed.

So many days have passed.

What have I been doing? Getting ready, getting prepared, but it has been two decades and counting.

I've felt old since I was 15, and while I wear this same feeling now along with my first realisation of youth, I still feel my years and admit, fear that I may no longer wear scars as badges of honour, but cringe whenever one could be inflicted.

I look around and realise what they say about 30 being the new 20 is true. Being a grown up is no different from being a kid.

Paraphrase from Calvin and Hobbes:

Dad: You know when I was a kid, I thought that adults knew everything.

Mum: Yeah?

Dad: If I knew it was all ad-libbed, I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up so fast.

Forgive my ramble but things like concise, reason, and structure is kind of beyond my reach at the moment.

And using a recycled kicker, Let's dance.