20:47.

I will lay bare my heart.

Or at least I want to, or think I want to, I'm not too sure where I am and what I really feel, what of what I feel belong to me and what don't. I like to share my struggles, that the last two weeks have been trying, trying as I fight spirits of discouragement, fear, worry, anxiety. I want to tell you how God sent two people to tell me I can do it, and that He has confidence in me. I will also admit how I slid down the porcelain pipe and all I wanted was to pull the covers over my head and not face the world. And that even now, I have to fight to stay up. I like to share with you how I hit a low last night, and felt like I have no one to call because it seems like I have or am or am expected to be the strong one in my friendships. How I started tearing once I heard my Mom's voice over the line. How I sobbed silently when she prayed for me and sporadically teared throughout the conversation, so reassuring and wonderful her voice and herself is, how I could hear home in that voice and in the background. How God used Msn Msger to bring me comfort as I chatted with faithful friends. How I was truly desperate, truly weak, and how it required all of me to struggle against the enemy.

Over a drumming session. A service unto God. An act of worship I wanted to commit myself to. And yes, do still want despite my faltering feet and trembling legs. Over this one-hour praise and worship to be held tomorrow at 7pm, Aust time, I stand - or really kneel or lay - in the center of a struggle, a going-on in the heavenlies of such flurry I can't really comprehend the reason for.

I'm weak beyond words can describe just like my Jesus Christ's strength, love and faithfulness are more certain and real than my feeble lips can utter.

I will be transparent.

Who is Skye t? But a jar of clay.

Use me, Lord, fill me, heal me, work through me, use me.

And you, whoever you are, pray for me. Whether you think me dramatic, think me disturbed or think me weak, just pray for me. You can think whatever you want of me. Just pray for me. To my Lord Jesus Christ.

Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. Greater. My God is greater than all these, than all of me, and any thing that could possibly be or is. My God is big.