14:24. The 33rd Missionary Convention at Swanston Street Church Of Christ concluded today. It was a week long event.

For me, it started on the Friday before last, when Ross Paterson, the speaker for the convention spoke to OCF at our combined meeting. It was a cold rainy night when the temperature apparently dropped to 6 degrees by the time I got home at 2am (No, the meeting didn't last that long but I won't go into a separate story now).

There was a call at the end of the meeting during prayer, to stand up if you are willing to give your all for Christ, even if you don't know what that "all" would require of you. Midway through the meeting, I already decided that if a response was asked for, I would respond. So I stood. I needed the re-affirmation, perhaps it was a re-dedication, but I wanted to tell God publicly again that yes, You have me.

After that, previous varied similar scenes ran through my mind. From how I accepted Christ, responding to the invitation to "give God 100 percent"; the Joshua 21 seminar when I was 17 when I kneeled on stage and gave God "a blank check", the currency being my life; when I was 18 at a bu tao hui held in Ngee Ann and I was with Anne, Simin, Joce and Gerald and I went up front to the affirmative call to "go where He wants you to".

I still want to give more. And I know this sounds utterly foolish and is utterly foolish and dangerous to utter but I do. I do because I recognise that even though I have surrendered, even though I know my life is not my own, even though I am on the altar, there are areas in my life which I have mentally given to God but emotionally have not. The stuff that makes me go, ummm.... yeah God you can have this too, I give it to you but ummm....

That same day, while Ross was speaking, a thought, a question came to me: "Can you handle it if you never return to journalism?"

I have given my writing to God, and desire to use this gift as He wills but the question jolted me.

Despite the warts during the time I had in the newsroom, both in Tribune and the daily, I still love journalism. Next to journalism, I don't see any other career. I can see stuff like working in a family run B & B, or teaching in a foreign land but these are not stuff I see myself staying in or even wanting to stay and continue in for significant periods. Maybe I will change but next to journalism, I don't see any other career. Besides missions.

I don't think I'll ever cease to be a journalist, somewhere in my heart and the way I work. Nor do I think I will ever stop loving it. But yes, I told God my umm, yeah... if that's how You would have it, Lord, I give it to you. The "umm" was in my answer and heart but gave I did. And I was aware that there would be more of such, the hidden things which I must give to God if I'm serious about giving Him all. All.

[Disclaimer: I'm not saying God is calling me not to go back to Singapore and journalism. The possibility of such is still very valid and high and real.]

God is still working in my life, even post-Easter Camp, in a very real fashion and I'm very glad for I really detest the spiritual-high syndrome of Christian events after which you lapse back into normalcy.

Normalcy scares me and during the past week, hearing about how ordinary people can make a difference, and being reminded that one has to be different to make a difference, something that begun stirring in my heart a week or so after Easter Camp was articulated.

As I start to be integrated into OCF, as I even code switch with each person to meet him/ her at a place comfortable to him/ her, I'm afraid of something. I'm afraid of normalcy, that I become the opposite of "different". I'm becoming very comfortable here. I feel incredibly blessed and I have taken ownership of my cell group, having started fasting once weekly to pray for various things and my cell group and endeavoring to continue this. I feel for my cell group and care for these people, even though we have some way to go before we truly start to know each other more. I'm not complaining, I'm utterly thankful for all these but well... in some way, I have resisted joining a youth group all these years, choosing to stay in the Mandarin congregation where the majority are 50 and above because I didn't want to be in the Christian youth subculture.

If you ask me to define what I mean, I cannot truly do so. Maybe it's that when one is integrated into a subculture, one moves with the flow, with the crowd and I can't be comfortable with that. Maybe it's when you are in a group, it's harder to walk against the current.

I'm not too coherent here but how do you be different then? What is difference? Maybe my fever is working against me here (been running a slight temperature since Sat noon).

On other notes, my cell group went up to the mountains to a place called Dandenong on saturday. Beautiful place but it was raining and at a point, hailing, and quite misty all round too. I was rather happy with it since I never seen hail.... Had lunch at a quaint English cottage looking place called Miss Marples, named after one of Agatha Christie's characters. I had soup with sourdough, fruit scone with home made jam and fresh cream and a trifle for dessert. I was full after just having soup but I recklessly wanted more (hey, the place's an hour drive away).

Would post pictures soon, and those from Easter Camp too. Would put them all on a website then let you guys know. And yes, I will try to do it soon.

It's 18 degrees outside but it feels a lot colder to me. Oh well, I did always want to live in cold Brit weather. Only this is Australia. I can imagine how miserable London can get. And it's still only Autumn.