18:36.

It's back to the Sg. Back in the media conglomerate. Blogging from my black IBM PC.

Thinking of you. Of us. Of wow.

I remember: In January this year, sat on my blue futon in my bedroom in Melbourne. The housemates had gone back, here. You just left my apartment. And me, alone with God, sobbed my heart out. I had laid you down before God before, prior to that. I had tried and kept trying, but that night, with wrenching sobs and a heart that physically ached, I completely laid down how I feel, I laid down you, on the altar.

I never cried over a guy before.

Before you.

I remember: February 2005. Walking away from you on Feb 5. Missing you terribly every single day. I remember crying myself to sleep on Feb 6th. After bursting into tears over our Msn conversation.

I remember our conversations, I remember when we first came clean with how we feel, I remember the torment over the long period when we didn't and I remember the torment over being apart even after we knew where we stood and now stand.

It wasn't an easy road. We had to walk a tightrope, a thin line that we could only walk with faith and trust and much prayer. But I would never swop any of it.

Because you are worth it.

And because I've never felt the way I do for you for any one else before.

God has turned our mourning into dancing, our tears into laughter. Everything that has happened was so for a purpose. Our journey took its time with the milestones because we needed time.

We had to face how we feel as individuals before we knew our feelings were mutual. We had to have every event put into our paths to mould us. We had to be tested, to know what we want, to know each other better, to have our hearts put on the altar for the refining fire. We had to - and still do so have to - give each other to God again and again because ultimately, dear, He owns us and He is No. 1. Our first Love.

"I've watched the sunrise in your eyes
And I've seen the tears fall like the rain
You've seen me fight so brave and strong
You've held my hand when I'm afraid
We've watched the seasons come and go
We'll see them come and go again
But in winter's chill, or summer's breeze
One thing will not be changin'

We will dance"

That's our song. The song that played on the car's CD player when you parked on a wintry cold June 19th at Melbourne Airport, the song that was playing when I cried for that short few minutes after you parked, as we hugged a mere hour plus away from the second goodbye we had to say.

I remember: June 15th. When, somewhere in the last hour of that Wednesday night, we finally had a status. We moved from courtship to relationship. We became a couple. Before that, we watched our first movie together after ahem, Metalica: Some Kind Of Monster, the only other movie we watched together before (I do still think that makes us unique, heh).

Putting my head on your shoulder made my heart skip a few beats.

You still make my heart skip.

Six months. That's the period that we have to face before we meet again.

But I'm not worried. The foundations have been laid. Unless The Lord builds the house, the workers labour in vain. We feel right, you feel right, and I know God is in our relationship. Our Saviour and Maker is the reason why this feels right and as we honour Him still, and love Him ever more, He will take care of the details. That's the key. God.

It's always God.

Dearest God and Dad, You take charge of this. You lead us, guide us, mould us, teach us to love You and love each other the way Love and a relationship are meant to be lived. We refuse to do this any other way. We want You to be the Head of us.

The foundations - seek Him first, love Him most, wanting the best for each other, wanting us to glorify Jesus always - are laid even as we are learning over this distance, over time to be better for each other.

I will hold on, other guys don't matter. The tears you have shed for me makes me even more sure of you, and more thankful for you even as I am amazed by you.

I will hold on and learn to be even more a woman of God.

'cause you deserve the best.

Yes, just like I deserve the best. I love seeing how God is further bringing you to new heights and places.

And R a y m o n d Chuah?

I love you.