20:31.

"Oh you look so beautiful tonight
City Of Blinding Lights"

Sometimes, I feel like wishing upon a star to wake up where troubles are far behind me, where problems melt like lemon drops, way above the chimney top...

that's where you will find me.

Sometimes, Melbourne seems like another life. A life I know I have had and am beyond thankful for but "another" in its distance from me. It sometimes seem like a dream.

Life is life. I can't wake up somewhere else just like I might in a dream. That's not how it works.

I look at the photographs I took in Melbourne, I see images of my city of blinding lights in photos on other people's blogs, on travelogues, and so on and I feel like... I am pinned up flattened on a wall, paralysed by dissonance and powerless to do anything.

The last of which is not true.

I can go get an air ticket and fly to Melbourne. I have a choice. But I am not willing to run on my own time. Dear God, do this for me, Dad. Teach me to run besides You. Even as Dad, I pray You help my heart beat to Your heartbeat.

I want.

Learning to just keep putting one feet in front of the other is such a real matter. Not in debilitating fashion, though sometimes that paralysed feeling is so real, but I would honestly say the last few months and now have been a season where I am truly learning faith and trust.

One feet forward. Now the other. One feet forward. Now the other.

Lots of thinking to be done this weekend.

And a lot of constant missing.

Dad....

*runs to God*