22:02.

Flu-ish, throat uncomfy, head heavy. Mind on Melbourne, drag it back to work. Noticed some small red ants running around my laptop just now, while I was sat on the floor in front of my mirror, taking off the make-up. Majesty by Delirous is playing. I got to do a DVD review of a scary movie. The potential fever worries me slightly. I think of how I have to go into work early tomorrow and probably work late. Work seems to somewhat taking overy my hours. And its familiarity is not lost on me.

A whole great amount of missing exists in me even as I adapt to work, to life here, to this working girl's life. Been trying to adapt, aware that whining or articulating the missing probably makes people around me wish I shut up, keeping chin up, counting blessings, and there have been stuff I enjoyed doing. I wonder if my general quietness is a bad testimony to my faith.

Just reached out and killed an ant. Just now, when I first saw them, I remembered how ants invasion never happened back there. Pulled my mind back to Sg. I feel like sleeping in late but know I can't. I may have an interview tomorrow evening but I also have band practice.

Stayed in the office during lunchtime both yesterday and today, to spend more time on a story so I won't stay in the office till too late. Been leaving at 8pm-ish the last two days.

Thought of how nice it would be to spend my weekend differently.

Thought of how I want to support my parents.

Thought of the loan I have to pay off and wonder briefly at how it would be great to be able to clear it with some sudden financial breakthrough.

Believe God will take me through all these.

Still feverish....

I walk through life with that Truman Show thought, thinking, wondering, longing.

The two times I weighed myself today - when I changed to go to work and when I changed just now - the figure reflected makes me pause a bit and wonder too if I should worry slightly. It's not drastic but I realised a couple of days ago that it might not be healthy to drop weight so within less than two months.Any more and I have to be careful.

I got to walk on. Adapting now. May feel tough now. But all things are with purpose. And one day, we will get to the other side of the rainbow.

See rainbow with you.

Dad, hold me. I'm kind of tired, still feverish and very quiet.

I love You, Lord. Help me to be who You called me to be, and be more like You even as I accept I am who I am.

I pray in Jesus' name.

Amen.