20:29.

Say what?

It has been a good day, good week, good month. Yes, the politicking, wrestling, continuous (not continual) pushing on seem to had cast a general dreary hue over the landscape of the past month. But yet, despite everything, it has been good.

I'm blessed. Beyond any thing, I am.

The big social, hierarchy of human contrasts and behaviour is filled with way too many layers and way too convoluted for me to understand.

Yes, so I am built such that I still try.

But I am thankful.

I am thankful for that. Thankful that I can sit here and type a post about what's in my head.

So I may fight learned behaviour in faith and life but I am free. I am free to think what I want, I am free to make arguments, I am free to decide and live.

I am thankful... very.

Despite everything that You shown me, Dad, everything about the world, the not very good stuff right down to the what-the-heck-is-going-on-bits... I am thankful that I am not sheltered from such. Not hid from the cynism and pain.

I want every bit that life has to offer. I want every thing You have for me. I want to fulfil my calling completely totally absolutely without the hums and huhs.

I am not afraid to still say I am not satisfied. I am contented but I am not satisfied. There is way more than this and way way more than what I can even imagine or comprehend.

And even if the folks around me don't get it and think me insane or deluded, oh Dad, I believe.

You made me, me.

Such simple words, duh words even, kids in sunday school could give you that textbook perfect answer yet I am in awe.

I accept myself. I know myself. I love myself.

Because I am more than worthy now that You have set me free.

I don't want to fight myself any more. I fight men, I wrestle with You, I do my share of bouts and spats. I am not fighting me anymore because I am because You are.

And You know every thing - all the things I don't get and may never truly get, all the things I feel that makes me cringe up and cry in the secret place, all the thoughts in my mind that sometimes give me headaches, tangled are their knots and intense are emotions.

You know. And I know this - that Lord You are good and Your mercies endure forever.

Clear the way, Lord. As I prepare the way for You, make a way for me.

For You are good. You are good. You are good.

And for eternity and with all that I am and have and ever hope to be, I love You most.

Lead us this week, Dad, lead us this week.

Shine in us, on us and out of us. For Your Name and Your Glory.

Amen.

And we are saying alrightokuhhuhamen.