12:47.

Am I scared?

Whew, I could very well get very much so.

I signed the 1-year contract for my apartment this morning. The initial payment's 1 month deposit (bond), 2 months advanced rent (1 is for May and 1 is the perpetual advanced 1-month payment), half month rent deposit for utilities and rm200 for the contract. My monthly rent is rm900. So all in all, that comes up to rm3350.

Like whew, eh?

I arrived in PJ on Sunday and spent Monday and Tuesday apartment hunting. Ray's mom and dad helped a great deal, driving me and accompanying Ray and myself.

In the end, it was down to two places - A studio apt (living room and one bedroom, 400+ sqft) costing rm800 monthly rent and the one I took - A 2rooms, 1 study room (otherwise known as a 2 + 1) unit. The studio was completely bare with only lights and two fans. The 2 + 1 has lightings, window grills and curtain snaps, two fans, a heater, full kitchen cabinet and stove (a rarity) and was a floor higher.

Both are condos. Good security is high on my list of wants. And I can walk to work in less than 10 minutes from my apt so I don't need to worry about directions and me being a non-driver unfamiliar with local roads and public transport.

And with the 2+1, my parents and whoever visits can hv a room of their own (I can only furnish it very barely though, I reckon). My folks can wander ard the safe condo compound and go swimming or something if I am at work. That's very important to me - That they have a nice and safe place to stay at when they visit.

rm900 is pretty steep. In comparative terms to the studio, it's not. And for the classy, central location (touted to be the IT place now and coming up), it's a good deal. But yeah, against my salary, it's a big chunk.

*coughs*

Am I freaked out?

I could be, very much so if I allow myself.

But God is good. I have been here for only four days before I confirmed the place I wanted. When Ray's at work, his mom drives me out for lunch and we get along well (she even opened up all the kitchen cabinets just now to give me dishes and cups I can use for my apt); I have a place to stay while the apt handover is prepared (prob can only move in on the week of the 24th but do pray I can get the keys earlier); I still have savings though my account has taken a big dip (thank God for Progress Pck, heh); Ray is a dear, driving me around in the evenings though he worked all day (we had to hit four banks last night before I found one Maybank that takes my credit card); my folks in Sg are fine and good and supportive... et cetera et cetera et cetera.

I have much to give thanks for.

And I reckon it is easy to miss seeing the purpose of why I am doing all these when big commitments like housing and this whole moving here seem to jump out at me when I open this new door to this new life... God help me keep focus.

And as for the scarlies, I would be scared if I am on my own but I am not. And see, Jesus' blood never failed me.

My God has never failed me ever.

And so I won't ask what I am doing moving to a country where I earn a currency weaker than my native's dollar, I won't ask what I am doing upping and leaving again when every up and leave affects me, I won't ask what I am going to do next time and demand to see my life's map now. 'cause though I don't know, I do know that as long as I stay in Jesus Christ's will and arms, I am always very safe and secure.

Have you ever heard the old hymn, I Don't Know About Tomorrow, in Mandarin?

The chorus goes:

wo shui ren bu da de ming pai
ming tian shou you de shi qi
dan wo zhi shui zhang guang ming tian
wo ye zhi shui jian wo shou

Translated, it kind of goes:

Though I don't really understand
the things tomorrow holds
but I know who guards tomorrow
and I know who holds my hand

Jesus' blood never fails me.

I refuse to be scared. When I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. What price, this? What trial, this? Far greater has befell women and men of God who has gone before me and far more has been shed and given up on the altar for the love of God.

I am but one but with Him on my side, I am many.

I have many to give thanks for.

Am I scared?

I have no reason to be.