Creative press kits do bring smiles to the days.
copyright/amadeo

The packet is to promote some show on cable.
copyright/amadeo

Spread The Word, Not Disease, a surgical mask. The tagline sounds biblical, no?
copyright/amadeo

Wipeout The Unknown, some tissue wipe thing
copyright/amadeo

Kill The Invisible, some sort of cleaning liquid

copyright/amadeo

Why I love Dilbert strips: Of power hungry dogs, cubicle workers and humour, both of the dry wit variety and the corn sort.
copyright/amadeo

hehehehehehhehehehhehehehehheehehhehehhee. *much amused* =)
copyright/amadeo

16:12.

Hey, there's a SG-PJ lux coach route :)

11:56.

Franz Ferdinand, Simply Red, Switchfoot, The Cardigans, Sugababes, The Bravery and others I cannot remember....

To all the bands I could had interviewed if not for the fact I'm no longer doing Entertainment, maybe one day.

Perchance.

23:02.

18:13.

Got tagged by the casschew :)

Seven things that scare me
- Waking up one day and realising I have not fulfilled/ am not fulfilling my calling; Lizards; Irrational hatred and prejudice; My loved ones suffering; Not being able to help those I love; Losing my loved ones; Becoming someone I won't like

Seven random facts about me
- In my dreams, I can always drive; I wanted to be a novelist before I wanted to be a journalist; I wrote a mini "novel" when I was 14; I don't put sugar into my beverages; I would like to visit a castle one day; I'm wearing my black Havianas now... at work; I have 3 guitars, 1 piano, 1 keyboard, 1 tambourine and 1 harmonica (hey, that's 7 things!)

Seven things I hope to do before I die
- Get married; Work in a Christian org full-time; have my own column; See an obvious, undeniable miracle; Interview U2; Live (not just exist) fully; Master (not just play) an instrument

Seven things I can do
- Love; Er, bitch. I don't but I know I can do it too well; Be random; Skateboard; Multi-task effectively; Write; Not cry because of physical pain

Seven people who should fill this out
. R a y :)
. Aggie
. Vonnie
. Ketiak
. Jen
. DW
. Hannah

15:05.




It's international rabbit day on Sat. Heh =)

19:28.

Yesterday, Pastor J read out a copy of the senior pastor's letter to the church about his decision to step down. Pastor Thomas has debated long and hard and decided that his family and himself will be moving to Perth next year to study three years in bible school.

Pastor Tho was one of God's servants I admired and respected. He's 40, wasn't the best of kids when he was younger, studied till his 'O's before taking on the world not expecting that God will take on a rebellious kid like him and change his life. He used to be the children's pastor, he taught himself to play the keys and guitar, 5 years ago, he took on the senior pastor position.

The church has been through a lot since its inception. In the chinese church, I'm no doubt sheltered from the problems the main congregation go through but he's not.

He always had a contagious smile on his face, he would smile to greet you even when you could tell his weariness from the lines on his face, what with, God knows best. During worship, he is the only one constantly right in front, jumping, raising his hands, passionate for God even when the congregation seems humdrum. Three weeks ago, I visited the main congregation since I wasn't playing that week. As I got caught up in praise and jumped, I was suddenly aware that some folks were staring and I was aware that in the whole hall, there's only me in the back and Pastor Tho right in front who were jumping up and down.

Not that jumps are accurate measures of faith level, mind you. I was just struck by the image.

I don't know how hard it is to pastor a church where faith level generally seems complacent. I don't know how my pastors do it week after week, day after day, faithfully, surely and constantly.

Pastor Tho once told me that people ask him how he always have that joy in him expressing in that easy laughter, ready smile, welcoming demeanour. And his answer was that he know who he is and who he has been called to be.

I'm excited for him. Excited for him and his wife and three young kids about to take this leap of faith. It's not easy, and it has got to be hard leaving, not just because you are walking away from your comfort zone but because you have got an ailing mother here in Sg. Even while knowing the church needs prayer now as it seems like we have to seek outside pastoral employment for the first time in 14 years, the involuntary reaction is to feel glad. Feel glad for him. For his family. Smile at how a brother is obeying the call of God. Be thankful for this pastor who led by example.

Godspeed, Pastor Thom and God bless.

18:57.

It is a Monday evening on the 269th day of AD2005. I sit on the 7th floor of a 11-storey HDB flat; in 1 of the 6 apartments that are located on this landing. It has been 7 years since we move here; I'm 24 years old, 1.7metres tall and 51 kgs heavy. I'm 1 of 4 who lives in this 4-room flat - There's mom and dad, 58 years old, and brother, 26 years old. I live on an island that 's 697 sq km big with a population of 3.5million and growing. We moved from 3rd world to 1st within less than the 40 years since we declared independence.

I used to study in a PAP (People's Action Party, the ruling party) kindergarten school like most kids did; then I studied six years at H o n g Dao Primary, sadly now defunct; and 4 years at M a y f l o w e r Secondary School; 3 years at N g e e Ann Polytechnic and 1 year in R M I T, Melbourne.

I work at a media conglomeration, which owns most except one of Singapore's various languaged newspapers. I first entered their doors when I was 19.

That was as an intern in year 2000.

My lecturer told me I was probably the third student in the history of my faculty to get an internship "despite" being from a polytechnic.

I resumed journo duties in 2002, left in 2004, returned in 2005.

All in all, I've clocked over 2 years of work with this company.

I have roots, I have memories, I have treasures in this job, in this company, in this home, in this land, in this family. Familiar scents, familiar faces, familiar sounds, familiar way of life, familiar loved ones. Familiar feelings familiar objects bring on.

And yet Melbourne calls still.

Even before Melbourne, that call inside to put aside everything, burn the oxen, chop up their yoke (rem Elisha's call?) and move on has been there.

I'm counting the cost more than I ever had and the price is clearer to me more than ever. Yet, surely whatever it takes, the cost is lesser than the cost of disobedience to the call.

One life to give. 24 years already gone.

Dad, when?

What? All. All of me for all of You.

How? By faith and through providence.

Who? You, you, the flock on Your heart.

Where?

16:15.

Yes, kind of inspired by Aggie's shoes post :)






















Satin bubble dress, tube dress, lovely lovely. Yet another item I fancy but would not buy for the price. I fancy the Samantha dress and the Dorothy dress too. Link here.

15:12.

From here.


















That's an almost 61-metre long bunny.

I am not going to be in Italy any time soon, at least, not that I know of. And yes, even if I am, there's no guarantee that I will spend time climbing a mountain and then the bunny. But oooh, how I fancy the idea of bouncing on that bunny's tummy. And someone, tell me, how on earth are the folks who thought up the idea going to keep the soft toy non-gross after the rain and stuff get to it?

Um.

19:44.

Wrestling God


In Genesis 32:24 to 29, Jacob's overnight wrestle with God was chronicled and we read that God blessed Jacob and named him Israel because he had "struggled with God and with men and have overcome".

The meaning of "Israel" is he struggles with God.
The meaning of "Jacob" is he grasps the heel, alluding to Jacob's reputation as a deceiver.

But prior to Jacob's meeting God, first... "that night, Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone..." (v. 22 to 24a).

He sent across his loved ones and possessions. He was alone.

Hold on, don't start reading into the story now. Let's go back a bit further to the events before Jacob even reached the shores of the ford and what awaits him across it.

In chapter 31, Jacob has just lied to his father-in-law Laban and took his two wives, many children and many many livestock and possessions and fled.

One wife, Rachel has even stolen her father's household gods, which gave Laban a pretext to pursue Jacob's camp.

Laban chased Jacob for seven days and caught up, confronted his son-in-law and asked him why he ran off instead of declaring his intentions to travel to his ancestor's land. And why did you steal my gods, Laban asked, and raided Jacob's camp to find them.

Rachel thwarted her own dad by hiding the idols, Jacob and Laban had a verbal showdown and Jacob finally told Laban flatly he had enough of the older man's attempts to rip him off over the years.

Things ended peacefully, Jacob even saw angels as he proceeded.

Still, I'd had found that confrontation emotionally draining and be probably pretty exasperated with the wife (it seems reasonable that Rachel would had told Jacob about it after Laban left) I love most for stealing, of all things, idols when the Lord has commanded us to go back to the land of my fathers.

But that wasn't the last of it.

Potential trouble continued in Chapter 32, as Jacob's convey to Esau (whose land lies after the ford of Jabbok) returned to say that Esau and 400 men were coming to meet them. Upon hearing this, Jacob was in "great fear and distress".

He spilt up his camp into a few groups and despatched them with gifts ahead of him, in hope of appeasing Esau, whose birthright Jacob stole many years ago. An Israelite's birthright is one of the most important things in the culture, and along with the birthright comes blessings. Jacob stole Esau's blessings and there is no hiding the obvious blessings in his life (wives, kids, many possessions). How was Esau to react when he sees Jacob and the many with him?

That was the situation before we reach Chapter 32: 22, earlier quoted, where Jacob sent across the last group to go before him - a camp made of his loved ones (2 wives, 11 sons, two maidservants who had borne him sons on behalf of their mistresses) and all his possessions.

Jacob was alone.

Alone at night, facing what could be a diastrous meeting in a few hours, about to face the exact person he had ran away decades ago (read Chapt27:43, Jacob first went to Laban's to flee Esau's murderous rage about his stolen birthright).

When we talk about wrestling with God, we often only mention the act and the blessings but see, Jacob was fighting for his blessing before he even wrestled that stranger in the night.

Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."(v. 28)

Before Jacob struggled with God, he had to be completely alone.

Before Jacob was alone, he struggled with men. Again and again, with Esau, with Laban, he struggled for decades.

"I will not let go until You bless me!"

Say that not only when you are wrestling with the Almighty Himself but see that even when you are fighting the world of men - the politicking, the disapproval, the accusations, the mundane threatening to drown purpose, see that amidst these, you are actually fighting too. Wrestling for your blessing.

The path to get your new name is not that fast and easy, not a one-step.

It doesn't happen in one night.

Wrestling with God is a solitary affair, without your loved ones' obvious support, away from the rest of your family. Often it is when you are in a place where you know you can't go backwards and yet feel the strain of continuing forward. Often, it is when you are in a spot where you are in between your recently emerged struggles and yet another coming battle.

When God comes down and wrestle with you, you will have already wrestled with men too. You may be barely holding on, but you will be surprised at the tenacity of your grip when you know desperation, the desperation that comes from knowing there is only One Way to get through everything now - When you get hold of Him.

But when you have fought, when you have held on and wrestled (holding on limply to someone is no wrestling), when you have undergone the trial of lone-ness, of battle with men, and held on tightly to the Almighty, you will receive your blessing.

You will receive your blessing.

And you will be forever changed, with a new name, even if you walk with a limp and gathered scars in the process.

Dad, I'm not letting go until You bless me.

I. Am. Not. Letting. Go.

So come on.

14:03.

Flashback to Thurs: Ambling from office to ladies', still unawake from an early morning and two late work nights (left at 11.10pm on Wed) previously. Craving for something sweet for an energy boost and then, like an italicised scrolling text through my mind, I realised I was craving for a Safeways chocolate cookie. Not that there was a chance of getting my tired fingers on any of them at that time, so I shrugged and walked on, and dully marvelled at how one single mundane craving sums up so much.

As I type this, Grace should be in Melbourne. I smile at the thought. There's a girl who knows how the missing goes in Sg, and how when family responsibilites and personal desires clash, you just bite your lip and walk on and do the right thing.

There are perhaps three dreams I have had throughout my life - To write, to serve full-time in the ministry, and another which after my conversion, I realised was not worth the trying.

That third is chaff on the wind, the first, I've been doing and am doing still, the second still tries me, drives me, wears me, sometimes, it seems, teases me.

I'm getting so acquainted of Roms 4:8, the years have brought more situations where you are squashed like a pretzel and have no options but to walk on or lay down and die.

That last reminded me of Job's wife's words to her beleagued husband at the receiving end of a cosmic wager - curse God and lay down and die, she told her husband.

But no. Never let it be that we forsake You. Never let it be that we have any other God besides You. Ever let it be that we will seek Your Face.

And despite being a writer, it would seem I'm cursed with a mute's lot when grappling with destiny.

Dad, what would I look like by the time we get through this?

How many scars to wear, how contrasting the battle marks and the proud chin held high and back held straight.

What is the purpose of man?

I still ask questions which I do not hold capacity to understand in totality.

But this is how You made me.

And that is one of the lessons You are teaching me - to know me. To know me in You.

17:54.

Ray, It has been three months.

Three months exact to today - Sept 15 2005, since we became a couple.

92 days.

And about 94 days since the first time you told me you love me? :)

Oops, now everyone knows. Heh. Well, baby, I love you too.

20 months since I first knew of your existence, when I saw you sitted cross-legged on Ching's living room floor while I, a first-timer to O C F, sat on her couch about 45 degrees to the right of you. Don't ask me how I remember, you know I always remember the smallest, most random details but I can still see you in that white shirt with a mouth print.

I noticed the shirt. And I knew who you were because Hannah pointed out to me the media students and the other R M I T students. We never talked. Never anything, really, not until you added me to your Msn list (you got the info off the O C F contact list) because you wanted to ask me to drum for you in May.

And so we started.

The Msn chats that went on for hours, till 5am even, always platonic, funny, encouraging. We laughed at each other, quoted scriptures at each other, made random jokes, egged each other to have indomee and unhealthy snacks in the wee hours of the mornings.

We grew to share dreams and aspirations; the first time I saved one of our Msn convo was when I shared that I wanted to go to Bible School after my O levels and did do some courses and you shared the same. I never met someone else who had the same experience.

Except you.

You.

See, dear, I could always (or for a long time) understand the gloriousness or love and what it could be but too many things were in place to hold me still, reluctant to jump.

"When I fall in love, it would be forever", yes, despite my chagrin at the horrors of quoting a Celine D i o n song, my convictions echoed that.

I never felt inspired to jump and make that leap of faith until you.

It has been eight months since we had our nerve wracking convo about our feelings, after all the struggle we had to go through with God and ourselves.

Three months since we are a couple.

The year is 3/4 past and we have spent only about 6 weeks together in the same physical space in this time. I won't pretend it is easy. Even as the distance teach me lessons and we are stronger and more in love amidst this constant training, dear, in the same way you are the only one who inspired me to jump, you are still the one who makes me laugh harder, love harder and also cry.

I've teared while telling God I miss you, while praying up a storm about us, I've teared while we spoke on the phone, our every night phone calls which always make the day better. Like you, I've battled with that feeling of "separated-ness". Like you, I have wrestled with God and myself. Like you, me, I miss you so much and my capacity to miss you is widened and deepened every day.

Dearest R a y Chuah, how I love you.

It is three months, my boyfriend, the best man in the entire flippin' universe.

And the best is yet to come.

I love you.

17:09.

My latest purchase, from the office's c h a t line, a forum where people buy/ sell and talk miscellaneous. And it happened that the lady was selling the green one. New Trek thumb drive mini with swivel cap, 256MB for... $37 :)

Good buy?

16:34.

:/
- Latest news flash: Severed head left in O r c h a r d underpass.

:(
- Three dark-skinned workers on the open back of a lorry on the expressway... while it is raining.
- Their expressions
- Politicking
- How power make some people stupid
- Malicious irrational gossiping
- Feels like a slight flu is trying to rear its head. again.

:)
- Church, last Sunday, drumming after service, working on a new 16-beat thang. Mission full-time staff came up unnoticed. Commented and asked if I'm still with the paper. Upon my affirmation, he said he wanted to a journo before. I went, "Really? I rather be in full time!" He went, "Reallyy?" Me: "Yeah, just waiting for God's timing." It's nice to be able to talk of such things.
- Call a Melb friend from the company yest (work related query involved too, yes) and having a nice catch-up chat
- S p a review on Wed to sort out my bones and shoulders
- Many mooncakes for the eating in the office
- Being able to buy bak kwa as snacks
- Nice colleagues and lovely folks in my life
- I'm free
- My Beloved is mine and I am His. His banner over me is love.
- 4-pg spread tomw, 3-pg spread on Sun. It's good to see your work out.
- GOD loves me and totally has my back.
- R a y loves me and does his best to let me know that :)
- Mom is going on Kunming mission trip on Sunday
- The best is yet to come
- It's Friday

22:39.

S k y e in SG, Part II over at the photo blog.

I forget what they are called but an array of placards you hang on your doorknobs were hung up on the MRT for the taking. They were to raise awareness for the Yellow Ribbon Project, which aims to help ex-convicts integrate back into society, and demolish the prejudice society has against them.
copyright/amadeo

Don't discriminate against ex-convicts. They have paid their dues. Don't lock them in a "second prison".
copyright/amadeo

19:40.

Another later night in the office. Intw at 830. Have got an early day tomw too with a 9am shoot, after which I will come in immediately to file tonight's intw.

New photos at the photo blog. When my home wireless works again, I'll post pictures with actually myself in them.

Boo!

16:42.

I sometimes wish I still see rainbows
but that's ok
'cause the thing is you get to see rainbows
also for another day

u seen it once
the call is done
now you live
to carry it out

and learn we do
about a rainbow's weight
pittle pattle we endure
just like we live after the rainbow's day

18:13.

Sometimes, you can believe in violence begats violence and yet want to return an eye for an eye. The oppression against women in Guatemala is beyond comprehension. And yet their abusers continue.

Read this.

19:28.

Journo in office.

Calls/ types/ calls/ emails/ interviews/ meeting/ calls/ interviews/ emails/ scribble/ scribble/ scrawl.

Song in head: United Live song where the lyrics goes "How many times have I broken Your heart/ still You forgave if only I come" swopping with Matt Redman's song where lyrics go "Jesus I'm so in love with you".

Missing: r a y :)

Hungry.

Things on mind: Er, 153? I don't know. Many. More.

Ballerina flats, grey/black pleated skirt that looks like the bottom half of tulip dresses, black wristband, black top, green bag with black scarf tied for prettyment. a heart in praise and feet about to go home.

whee.