17:54.

Ray, It has been three months.

Three months exact to today - Sept 15 2005, since we became a couple.

92 days.

And about 94 days since the first time you told me you love me? :)

Oops, now everyone knows. Heh. Well, baby, I love you too.

20 months since I first knew of your existence, when I saw you sitted cross-legged on Ching's living room floor while I, a first-timer to O C F, sat on her couch about 45 degrees to the right of you. Don't ask me how I remember, you know I always remember the smallest, most random details but I can still see you in that white shirt with a mouth print.

I noticed the shirt. And I knew who you were because Hannah pointed out to me the media students and the other R M I T students. We never talked. Never anything, really, not until you added me to your Msn list (you got the info off the O C F contact list) because you wanted to ask me to drum for you in May.

And so we started.

The Msn chats that went on for hours, till 5am even, always platonic, funny, encouraging. We laughed at each other, quoted scriptures at each other, made random jokes, egged each other to have indomee and unhealthy snacks in the wee hours of the mornings.

We grew to share dreams and aspirations; the first time I saved one of our Msn convo was when I shared that I wanted to go to Bible School after my O levels and did do some courses and you shared the same. I never met someone else who had the same experience.

Except you.

You.

See, dear, I could always (or for a long time) understand the gloriousness or love and what it could be but too many things were in place to hold me still, reluctant to jump.

"When I fall in love, it would be forever", yes, despite my chagrin at the horrors of quoting a Celine D i o n song, my convictions echoed that.

I never felt inspired to jump and make that leap of faith until you.

It has been eight months since we had our nerve wracking convo about our feelings, after all the struggle we had to go through with God and ourselves.

Three months since we are a couple.

The year is 3/4 past and we have spent only about 6 weeks together in the same physical space in this time. I won't pretend it is easy. Even as the distance teach me lessons and we are stronger and more in love amidst this constant training, dear, in the same way you are the only one who inspired me to jump, you are still the one who makes me laugh harder, love harder and also cry.

I've teared while telling God I miss you, while praying up a storm about us, I've teared while we spoke on the phone, our every night phone calls which always make the day better. Like you, I've battled with that feeling of "separated-ness". Like you, I have wrestled with God and myself. Like you, me, I miss you so much and my capacity to miss you is widened and deepened every day.

Dearest R a y Chuah, how I love you.

It is three months, my boyfriend, the best man in the entire flippin' universe.

And the best is yet to come.

I love you.