16:29.
Was leading bible study last Fri at cell group. Didn't realise how long it has been but then I realised that it was probably almost two years now since I last cell led.
It went well. Very well. Thank God. I was coherent, stringed new ideas together and juggled my laid out sequence without fright and at God's leading. I really enjoyed it. And it seemed like the Word was received on some level at least. The rest - I will pray about and have faith that the Word never returns void.
Sunday, r a y and me were "anchors" for the cell group at the 11am service, where cell groups had to dress in similar colours and sit at designated areas. After service, the cg went for a good indian lunch at K a n n a Curry House, one of those places that rocks one's culinary socks.
It's a good life but a strange, wondrous, unusual world where all at once, you feel shriveled up from inaction, then calmly contented at rountine and then something happens and the carpet gets pulled from under.
Hm.
It's a strange, wondrous world.
When I stop and think, I quietly marvel at how opportunities to serve just open up. I stop and miss some people, places and lifestyles. And I get bored from inaction, contented with rountine and fanciful of moving to somewhere new somehow.
Then, I look up.
And I become still. He knows. And that's good 'nuff, good 'nuff for me.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
17:25.
It's a raining day in PJ now, half an hour till knock off.
Came back to work today and am trying to shake off some restlessness. The wireless ain't working well which ruffled me more than it usually does. I guess I merrily got used to unlimited broadband wireless at home.
Waking up early wasn't hard, thank God, it's just the structured office hours that make me restless, I guess, plus the fact that I don't have much to do at the moment. Thought of and taken to doing up a Christmas pamplet/ e-pamplet thingie so some of our resources may find their way as Christmas gifts.
The train ride back on Tues wasn't half bad. In fact, most times, it wasn't obtrusively offensive in even mild manners. Germie and James were God-sent lifesavers to help take a box of books up to KL. Joyce's and her zippy convertible were equally appreciated for dinner at East Coast and late night jaunt at PS Cafe. Friends are good :) and God is good.
Ray's a sweetheart for going down to take the train up with me. I think 7 and a half hours wld have me scowling in my seat and roaring fire out of restlessness. That's something I realised with me over the last two years - I like travelling but I don't really enjoy the process of getting them too much. Or at least, I guess 7 hours on a plane or 5 hours on a coach felt/ feel often 'nuff to be common so I got impatient. Maybe.
I had an idea for a script on the train ride. I saw the movie opening in my head and heard the narrator's intonations. I think I should have more discipline and do my fancies, fancies like writing scripts and hoping and dreaming they can get shot and famous; and writing novels, be still my beating heart.
Oh, thanks to Ray for allowing me to hijack Life Of Pi while on the train. It helped me get through a good few hours. I unorthodoxically started early midway the book and finished it off last night, promptly falling to sleep of dreams which mish mashed the stuff on my mind the last few days - A ahem, Korean drama I got hooked to in impossibly short a time; Life Of Pi and thoughts about bible study tomorrow, which I'm leading and not prepared 'nuff yet.
Kind of gives an indication - the mental stew of melting pot.
I'm finding more peace and seeing the indistinction between what we had termed secular and spiritual. I'm finding more undeniable the way I'm wired and embracing the dichotomies in fearfully and wonderfully made fashion. And I'm seeing how God works through more than I practically understood and I'm amazed and making sense of this wonder.
What's next next year? Dear God, tell me. I have no real concrete idea but I find myself looking.
It's a raining day in PJ now, half an hour till knock off.
Came back to work today and am trying to shake off some restlessness. The wireless ain't working well which ruffled me more than it usually does. I guess I merrily got used to unlimited broadband wireless at home.
Waking up early wasn't hard, thank God, it's just the structured office hours that make me restless, I guess, plus the fact that I don't have much to do at the moment. Thought of and taken to doing up a Christmas pamplet/ e-pamplet thingie so some of our resources may find their way as Christmas gifts.
The train ride back on Tues wasn't half bad. In fact, most times, it wasn't obtrusively offensive in even mild manners. Germie and James were God-sent lifesavers to help take a box of books up to KL. Joyce's and her zippy convertible were equally appreciated for dinner at East Coast and late night jaunt at PS Cafe. Friends are good :) and God is good.
Ray's a sweetheart for going down to take the train up with me. I think 7 and a half hours wld have me scowling in my seat and roaring fire out of restlessness. That's something I realised with me over the last two years - I like travelling but I don't really enjoy the process of getting them too much. Or at least, I guess 7 hours on a plane or 5 hours on a coach felt/ feel often 'nuff to be common so I got impatient. Maybe.
I had an idea for a script on the train ride. I saw the movie opening in my head and heard the narrator's intonations. I think I should have more discipline and do my fancies, fancies like writing scripts and hoping and dreaming they can get shot and famous; and writing novels, be still my beating heart.
Oh, thanks to Ray for allowing me to hijack Life Of Pi while on the train. It helped me get through a good few hours. I unorthodoxically started early midway the book and finished it off last night, promptly falling to sleep of dreams which mish mashed the stuff on my mind the last few days - A ahem, Korean drama I got hooked to in impossibly short a time; Life Of Pi and thoughts about bible study tomorrow, which I'm leading and not prepared 'nuff yet.
Kind of gives an indication - the mental stew of melting pot.
I'm finding more peace and seeing the indistinction between what we had termed secular and spiritual. I'm finding more undeniable the way I'm wired and embracing the dichotomies in fearfully and wonderfully made fashion. And I'm seeing how God works through more than I practically understood and I'm amazed and making sense of this wonder.
What's next next year? Dear God, tell me. I have no real concrete idea but I find myself looking.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
17:34.
It has been half a year now since this full-time gig got started.
Whew....
God has provided, God has guided and God has protected and blessed.
The ride has not been without my insecurities, pinches of boredom and my ego acting up. I'm learning to face the stuff in me that needs to be faced till we have faces.
Sometimes, at work, I get annoyed by what I'm too quick to term unprofessionalism or inefficency. Then, I remind myself that of all the contexts, being a full-time worker in para church organisations should come with patience, love and not the quick judgement.
But then, I reasoned and do believe, the house of God should be run most well, shouldn't it? Not that type of mechanical efficency that rather walk pass hurt passer-bys, no, God forbid, no. But shouldn't this house where we serve God at more overt a profession and organisation, and longer hours of well, work... be filled with excellence and work well done 'cause there is no One else more worthy to have good work done for and towards?
Yeah, I do think so.
So as I learn not to judge swiftly (learning that it is unpleasant to be the receiving end of snap judgements 'cause of my youth or appearance), I learn to be patient and has just recently learnt to tell co-workers firmly that certain work processes could be done another way for more efficiency.
I feel a bit like the way editing Tribune did, just a bit.
I learn humility when I acknowledge I have no right to judge my brothers and sisters like that (this does not include "sound judgement", which is biblical). And God shows me very clearly that I'm no better or higher.
My own boredom and inclination to swing to the other end of fast efficiency is like a thorn in the flesh, reminding me I do hv no right to be judge and arbitrator and also bothering me. I get bothered about my (lack of) character and of how far off I seem from who I want to be and how scary it might be that maybe I'm a lot lesser than what I used to think.
Lotsa thoughts. Lotsa thoughts.
And at the end of the day, I know that it is when I look to Him and not me that I escape the miry clay of me-dom. And I know a little deeper what grace and mercy mean to the wretched. And I try to rem that my identity and my dreams are hidden in Him alone, no matter comes what may.
And in the midst of the mist, the dream's a little sharper and I dream: I dream of a church where people are more alive than this, where people are drawn to give and connect to the Giver, not in monetary but in life - to give and see the miracle of receiving when your hands are wide open. I dream of a church where we won't serve God feebly or hide behind our walls, of people who are comfortable outside or in our walls, who know this world is not their home, not even the local church can pass as Home. I dream of a church where passionate are the people, and that passion translates into action. Efficient in processes, big in heart, demanding of self for improvement and yet restful in Salvation.
Oh Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, won't You keep this dream and make it big?
Jesus. My life is in You.
It has been half a year now since this full-time gig got started.
Whew....
God has provided, God has guided and God has protected and blessed.
The ride has not been without my insecurities, pinches of boredom and my ego acting up. I'm learning to face the stuff in me that needs to be faced till we have faces.
Sometimes, at work, I get annoyed by what I'm too quick to term unprofessionalism or inefficency. Then, I remind myself that of all the contexts, being a full-time worker in para church organisations should come with patience, love and not the quick judgement.
But then, I reasoned and do believe, the house of God should be run most well, shouldn't it? Not that type of mechanical efficency that rather walk pass hurt passer-bys, no, God forbid, no. But shouldn't this house where we serve God at more overt a profession and organisation, and longer hours of well, work... be filled with excellence and work well done 'cause there is no One else more worthy to have good work done for and towards?
Yeah, I do think so.
So as I learn not to judge swiftly (learning that it is unpleasant to be the receiving end of snap judgements 'cause of my youth or appearance), I learn to be patient and has just recently learnt to tell co-workers firmly that certain work processes could be done another way for more efficiency.
I feel a bit like the way editing Tribune did, just a bit.
I learn humility when I acknowledge I have no right to judge my brothers and sisters like that (this does not include "sound judgement", which is biblical). And God shows me very clearly that I'm no better or higher.
My own boredom and inclination to swing to the other end of fast efficiency is like a thorn in the flesh, reminding me I do hv no right to be judge and arbitrator and also bothering me. I get bothered about my (lack of) character and of how far off I seem from who I want to be and how scary it might be that maybe I'm a lot lesser than what I used to think.
Lotsa thoughts. Lotsa thoughts.
And at the end of the day, I know that it is when I look to Him and not me that I escape the miry clay of me-dom. And I know a little deeper what grace and mercy mean to the wretched. And I try to rem that my identity and my dreams are hidden in Him alone, no matter comes what may.
And in the midst of the mist, the dream's a little sharper and I dream: I dream of a church where people are more alive than this, where people are drawn to give and connect to the Giver, not in monetary but in life - to give and see the miracle of receiving when your hands are wide open. I dream of a church where we won't serve God feebly or hide behind our walls, of people who are comfortable outside or in our walls, who know this world is not their home, not even the local church can pass as Home. I dream of a church where passionate are the people, and that passion translates into action. Efficient in processes, big in heart, demanding of self for improvement and yet restful in Salvation.
Oh Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, won't You keep this dream and make it big?
Jesus. My life is in You.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" - KJV
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" - NIV
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see" - NLT
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" - NASB
"The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see" - The Message
"Now Faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]" - Amplified Bible
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" - NIV
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see" - NLT
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" - NASB
"The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see" - The Message
"Now Faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]" - Amplified Bible
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
14:07.
Psalm 139.
Sometimes, I feel misunderstood. Do you? Sometimes, I feel like I don't understand myself and that people don't really understand me. Have you? Then I read this psalm and I'm blown into orbit 'cause God knows me. He totally understands me. He gets what I'm about who I am and He can never ever misunderstand me or be a stranger - 'cause He comprehends me.
How can we not praise Him?
Nothing is beyond Him.
Psalm 139.
"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
You are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue,
You know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;
You have laid your hand upon me." (verse 1-5)
Sometimes, I feel misunderstood. Do you? Sometimes, I feel like I don't understand myself and that people don't really understand me. Have you? Then I read this psalm and I'm blown into orbit 'cause God knows me. He totally understands me. He gets what I'm about who I am and He can never ever misunderstand me or be a stranger - 'cause He comprehends me.
"Where can I go from your Spirit?And I'm never alone, no matter where I choose to go or what my circumstances are. What I see as darkness, when I lay down and die and choose the blanket of despair, such does not damp His light or companionship. Darkness is as light to Him - He can do all things and change all things around for good.
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, You are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, You are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,'
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." - (verse 7-14)
How can we not praise Him?
Nothing is beyond Him.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
I WILL FOLLOW AFTER YOU
FOR YOU ARE MY DESIRE
OH JESUS
MY HEART BELONGS TO YOU
I sing loudly because I need it, not because God does.
I cry and scream 'cause my soul and heart needs to, not because it's certain Christian subculture, but because I want and need to expel the negativity sometimes inside.
I need You.
It seems to take quite a bit to stay focused at times. I don't write that much 'cause it's hard to get things precise. And staying focused on a specific topic in writing, casting spotlight on it solely seems sometimes to undercut the big picture and other emotions and consensus which do balance the emotional swing out.
It seems like so long ago and yet not really - I still want a lot of things and help, it does seem that I don't really know what I want either; the struggle shouts pretty hefty. I know my ultimate want - You. I know I still have that child seeking for purpose in me, crazy strung 'cause of the mundane. But, but age has taught me complexity that kid didn't have. I've learnt to see You in the mundane and I've learnt to find pleasure in the work of my hands and the things my gain can buy. And I'm willing to stake my all on Your Faithfulness, but aware that I'm the wild card in the equation.
Dear God, You know what I'm seeing and feeling. You know all these in sharper clarity than myself. I hide myself in You. I rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Dad, help me see the way You do, help me be more like You.
I'm not giving up. So help me, Lord. Give me greater clarity, mould me to be a better person and help me live for You more than any thing or any one. I still sit on the altar, can I rise from the ashes soon?
I rest in Your goodness, Your unfailing love. You are my surety. I love You, Lord.
FOR YOU ARE MY DESIRE
OH JESUS
MY HEART BELONGS TO YOU
I sing loudly because I need it, not because God does.
I cry and scream 'cause my soul and heart needs to, not because it's certain Christian subculture, but because I want and need to expel the negativity sometimes inside.
I need You.
It seems to take quite a bit to stay focused at times. I don't write that much 'cause it's hard to get things precise. And staying focused on a specific topic in writing, casting spotlight on it solely seems sometimes to undercut the big picture and other emotions and consensus which do balance the emotional swing out.
It seems like so long ago and yet not really - I still want a lot of things and help, it does seem that I don't really know what I want either; the struggle shouts pretty hefty. I know my ultimate want - You. I know I still have that child seeking for purpose in me, crazy strung 'cause of the mundane. But, but age has taught me complexity that kid didn't have. I've learnt to see You in the mundane and I've learnt to find pleasure in the work of my hands and the things my gain can buy. And I'm willing to stake my all on Your Faithfulness, but aware that I'm the wild card in the equation.
Dear God, You know what I'm seeing and feeling. You know all these in sharper clarity than myself. I hide myself in You. I rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Dad, help me see the way You do, help me be more like You.
I'm not giving up. So help me, Lord. Give me greater clarity, mould me to be a better person and help me live for You more than any thing or any one. I still sit on the altar, can I rise from the ashes soon?
I rest in Your goodness, Your unfailing love. You are my surety. I love You, Lord.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
It really isn't a major deal but I do wish I can watch U2 in concert. If this was a year back, and I was still at the paper and R a y was still in Melb, I could had flown out for the gig. But I can't now, moolah deficit being a main cause. So well... *shrugs*
To interview U2 is a dream I had and have, despite being out of the journalism circle now. Maybe, God willing, You would give me the chance to one day.
Thank you, Jesus. Amen.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
17:44.
add ons to the post of when the lights went out:
In the shower last night: Hey, didn't Sg had a island black out or something somewhere in 2004 when I was in Melb?
Rem being just slightly bummed that I wasn't there to experience it.
And talking about Melb, it popped to my mind the many times we had to call our net provider only to find the cables are down every where or something like that.
So... yeah, very interesting.
add ons to the post of when the lights went out:
In the shower last night: Hey, didn't Sg had a island black out or something somewhere in 2004 when I was in Melb?
Rem being just slightly bummed that I wasn't there to experience it.
And talking about Melb, it popped to my mind the many times we had to call our net provider only to find the cables are down every where or something like that.
So... yeah, very interesting.
13:57.
LOL! More on Men Don't Care About Weddings? Groomzila is Hurt here.
"And suddenly I would be back at the computer, birthing tumescent phrases like: “Under the Setting Sun, Tara and Craig Will at Last Be Wed.” I spent days choosing the right tone for the program (I settled on “lovingly irreverent”) and the right adjective for “special” in the invitation (I went with “singular”).
I agonized over whether to quote “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” or “Romeo and Juliet” on the response card — and then I agonized over whether to use a semicolon or a comma in said quote, because frankly, many Shakespeare authorities disagree on that. I hadn’t asked for the job, but now that it was mine, I was determined to write pure wedding poetry.
Tara and I settled into a pattern. I would tease out a brilliant idea and she would come home and veto it, which would only feed my blooming hysteria.
TRUE, she often had a point. For instance, maybe it was tacky to format the invitation like a movie poster and write that our wedding was produced by God Almighty."
LOL! More on Men Don't Care About Weddings? Groomzila is Hurt here.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
17:31.
Yesterday, the lights went off in apparently half the town, my office included.
Thankfully, my condo - on the other side of this small town - was unaffected. But golly gee, what an experience! As Ray and I walked home at about 450pm in the bright evening sun, we saw office folks waiting around outside their office and cafe staff looking quite lost as to what to do.
We walked home, noting the invisible line in the middle of the town which divided the lighted and non and also the scenes of entire normalcy versus the white-collared in limbo. And after getting back to the condo, decided to go to the car park and get the car to go to The Curve instead of going home.
All's good today though and I didn't object to going home earlier but I wanted to chronicle this 'cause man, how unreal is it that a whole half of a developed, nice, rather poshy even town (it is a small and new estate though, remember) gets a black out?
I was quite in awe and amused. So, here. Heh.
Yesterday, the lights went off in apparently half the town, my office included.
Thankfully, my condo - on the other side of this small town - was unaffected. But golly gee, what an experience! As Ray and I walked home at about 450pm in the bright evening sun, we saw office folks waiting around outside their office and cafe staff looking quite lost as to what to do.
We walked home, noting the invisible line in the middle of the town which divided the lighted and non and also the scenes of entire normalcy versus the white-collared in limbo. And after getting back to the condo, decided to go to the car park and get the car to go to The Curve instead of going home.
All's good today though and I didn't object to going home earlier but I wanted to chronicle this 'cause man, how unreal is it that a whole half of a developed, nice, rather poshy even town (it is a small and new estate though, remember) gets a black out?
I was quite in awe and amused. So, here. Heh.
