I WILL FOLLOW AFTER YOU
FOR YOU ARE MY DESIRE
OH JESUS
MY HEART BELONGS TO YOU


I sing loudly because I need it, not because God does.
I cry and scream 'cause my soul and heart needs to, not because it's certain Christian subculture, but because I want and need to expel the negativity sometimes inside.
I need You.

It seems to take quite a bit to stay focused at times. I don't write that much 'cause it's hard to get things precise. And staying focused on a specific topic in writing, casting spotlight on it solely seems sometimes to undercut the big picture and other emotions and consensus which do balance the emotional swing out.

It seems like so long ago and yet not really - I still want a lot of things and help, it does seem that I don't really know what I want either; the struggle shouts pretty hefty. I know my ultimate want - You. I know I still have that child seeking for purpose in me, crazy strung 'cause of the mundane. But, but age has taught me complexity that kid didn't have. I've learnt to see You in the mundane and I've learnt to find pleasure in the work of my hands and the things my gain can buy. And I'm willing to stake my all on Your Faithfulness, but aware that I'm the wild card in the equation.

Dear God, You know what I'm seeing and feeling. You know all these in sharper clarity than myself. I hide myself in You. I rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Dad, help me see the way You do, help me be more like You.

I'm not giving up. So help me, Lord. Give me greater clarity, mould me to be a better person and help me live for You more than any thing or any one. I still sit on the altar, can I rise from the ashes soon?

I rest in Your goodness, Your unfailing love. You are my surety. I love You, Lord.