14:26.

It's Chinese New Year eve and I'm here at home in Singapore. The skies have finally almost broke, it seems, and the typically scorching heat of CNY has ceased for now.

I'm peacefully happy and enjoying being home, especially during this period.

The last month plus, I really grappled with the Sg-Msia thing again. The sum of it is this: That I would stay in KL if I can, 'cause I can't turn my back when that really seems to be the place to be now.

Call it the grass-is-greener syndrome but yes, I do love Singapore very much so. My memories of 23 years and just every thing that this humble Woodlands abode and the road and sights of this little island remind me of. This will always be home and inside, I told God: "Maybe one day You will lead us here?"

And that's it. It's still about where the call is, where I am meant to be, where my specific purpose has me supposed to be. And all the factors that weigh me down and crush and pull me apart, valid as they are, are not the main deal.

On iTunes, a song called playing All This Time is playing. The chorus shouts my heart:

All this time/ since the day I was born
I never known a time like this
I don't want to let You down.

There's fear, there's a freaked-out of the unknown, there's a recognition of the cliff you stand on now and a vague feeling of something big ahead that scares and exhilarates all at once.

It's all enough to get someone wanting stability but I don't really think there would ever be a total reduction of the traveling up and down or moments where the heart and mind get confused 'cause (maybe) it's meant to recognise only one home.

It's Chinese New Year eve. Dad just got home a while ago. We had the all prosperous leeks, stir fried with prawns and slices of deep fried bean curd during lunch. There are heaps of new year goodies in the house. I helped Mom opened the ginko nuts just now and peel the skin off them. I'm having a vague slight fever and a bit of a fuzzy throat. Tomorrow, we are going to church in the morning and I hope my heels won't hurt (amen!) then going to one of the aunty's house then maybe my godma's and we will see how it goes. I'm thinking of black skinny jeans and grey faded ones and when I can check out the supposedly cheap place with cult brands jeans Germie told me about.

In many or every way, I'm really just a girl, just another person in this populated world, just another idealist determined life should not snatch the stars from my eyes. I've seen enough to be cynical, I may be cynical but I remain more me than what the world should make me. So I'm not just someone else, not because of any of this but because I stand on a Rock that can never be moved and my closest Friend died for His dream so I can dream in this life.

Thus, even sans the cash, non-sans the questions and comments of wasted time and foolishness and all the things the heart can feel, I am thankful.

It's a great time to be alive. I love God, I love my family, I love Ray, I love my friends, I love my church, I love music and words and clothes, shoes, accessories and bags and many numerous matters and objects and beings.

It's all good ultimately and that deserves some boogie-ing.

:)