15:02.

I keep writing and stopping, saving posts as drafts and logging out these days. Somehow, I just don't have the words to use though my mind is a minefield of explosive and dormant thoughts and random weirdness. The perpetual work has had a part to do with all these I suppose, cuminating in me changing my Msn nick to mymindleftmew/opermission. Yeah, that's another thing, all these Msn chats are probably making my world all the more hyperreal.

My mind seems to be detached from my body, my heart has a will of its own and my general being just feel rather lost and unusual. I laugh too hard, my head whirls too fast, and I keep going to fantasyland when what I need to do is concentrate and get my last essay started.

I'm distracted. Very. By too many things. And in the midst of the flurry, I tell myself to be still, to be still and know He is God but my mind refuses to obey. Too many issues have been haunting me these days, or if not haunting, demanding my attention and making me start, ununusual are their nature.

I'm kind of tired and I find myself wanting to burrow into the sheets, pull my duvet over my head and get away from the world.

I doubt myself, my pride is shattered, my mask torn. I've been shown I am weaker, even weaker than I knew myself to be, and I'm seeing cracks not just in me but in what's around me too.

And I'm not dealing with the worries of finances and future as well as I should be. Sigh. Come on, girl, let's get this essay out of the way and maybe we will get back in order again.