12:05.

"Because You live, I can face tomorrow
Because You live, all fear is gone
And because I know, I know
You hold the future
And life is worth the living just
Because You live"

- Because You Live

Last Sat, got home at about 530am, walked about the house in impending limbo for a while, prayed, finished packing at 730am, splitting headache, laid down to sooth it, fell asleep, awake with a start at 845am, realising I just slept away the time I meant to spend finish writing cards, showered, got ready for the last time before those full length wardrobe mirrors, walked about house discovering random things I have yet to pack like my belts hanging behind the door, walked to Bouverie Close at 1005am, walked up about three steps to its entrance before looking up and seeing Ray at the lobby couch see me and get up, walked to Ink, found it was closed, went to Edelweiss on Elizabeth instead, ordered Big Breakfast and a Vienna Coffee, he had bacon and eggs on toast and was it a cappuccino?, ate, sat, talked, it's so good to have good conversation with a good friend over good coffee, walked up elizabeth to go back home to write cards and finish the last of the packing at about 1230pm.

Finished what I needed to do, threw away three more big bags of stuff, saw ray and qiming walk over even as I made a call to see if I could borrow a lock for my adidas bag, eelin, ray and qiming in my house, me walking about to settle every thing, got the boys to take my white Ikea coffee table and duvet, stood on balcony and shouted his name (just because I can't do that again) as they crossed the road facing our balcony, they put down the table, sat on it and waved hallo, I laughed.

That day ended in Singapore. Left for the airport about 240pm, I think, went through those metal unfeeling doors at about 440pm, I think. Held up human traffic and took forever in the plane aisle to get my haversack and bag of food up into the storage space, potentially irritated the English lady sitting next to me right beneath the storage space (sorry, can I just stuff these there first *stuff my passport and boarding pass into her magazine compartment*). When I finally settled down - randomly stretching out my right arm towards a window to sms with two bars of connectivity till a air steward says it's time to switch if off - I started reading letters and cards and finally cried some.

Here I am.

That day ended in Singapore, feeling the warm night air rush in from a door in the connecting tube from plane to terminal, which prompted an involuntary smile from me, walking about the airport full aware of the irony that I was lost - momentarily lah - in my own airport, got to the baggage collection so late that some airport staff had already placed my stuff off the belt onto the tiled floor, saw June, Germie, Anne, Hannah, Germie's parents and my parents waiting for me outside the glass doors (hear that, Tullamarine? glass), was received by my loved ones, had drinks at Burger King, not Hungry Jack's, saw every thing with new eyes, heard every thing with new ears and felt swept over in some degree.

Here I am.

Two worlds are probably colliding in me, though you can't tell by looking at me. Depending on who you are, you probably won't even be able to tell if you talk to me either.

"You are God and I am man,
so I leave it in Your hands"
- No One Else Knows, b429

I am still waking up missing. And there are moments when I feel half paralysed by my worlds.

But all things work together for the good of those who love God and there is something I know for sure, how much I love You yet You love me more. So I can do all things.

Amen.